1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 3 00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:27,940 Hi, you'’ve reached Noah and Clare. 4 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,377 Leave a message at the-- 5 00:00:29,464 --> 00:00:30,726 Hi, it'’s Mom. 6 00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:31,814 I hope I'’m not bothering you. 7 00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,729 Happy Halloween. 8 00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:35,470 Well, you'’re probably at work now, 9 00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,906 so you can just call me when you get home. 10 00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:38,516 You--I mean, but you actually 11 00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:40,301 don'’t really have to call me until-- 12 00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,129 Obviously it'’s not anything important, 13 00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:44,000 but if you want to call me, please feel free to. 14 00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,741 I just wanted to ask-- 15 00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:48,222 Shoot, I can'’t remember why I called now. 16 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:51,094 Anyway, I am sleeping so much better 17 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,009 with this new prescription, 18 00:00:53,096 --> 00:00:55,664 and my jaw only clicks now when I yawn or chew, and I-- 19 00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:58,101 Oh, you know what? I remembered why I called now. 20 00:00:58,188 --> 00:01:01,409 Do you have my VCR manual in your-- 21 00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:03,759 Hang on a second. My toast just popped. 22 00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:11,288 All right, Sammy Higgins. 23 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:13,943 Who'’s on the phone, Marilyn? 24 00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:16,163 -- What'’s that, huh? -- Who'’s on the phone? 25 00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,990 What do you mean? Somebody'’s on the phone? 26 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,471 Hello? Hello? 27 00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:22,778 There'’s nobody on the phone, Gene. 28 00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:27,478 I think your mom'’s messages are getting shorter. 29 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,568 You know how people 30 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:33,136 worry about their mothers dying? - Mm-hmm. 31 00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,138 I worry mine'’s gonna live forever. 32 00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:28,512 There has to be another exercise I can do. 33 00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:30,210 Who'’s the physical therapist, Bob, you or me? 34 00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:31,733 - You. - All right, 35 00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:33,300 keep those knees up, I want to see 36 00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:35,171 some high steppin'’, work that ACL. 37 00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:37,478 Noah, your mom'’s on line one. 38 00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,523 - Tell her I'’m busy, would you? - Mm. 39 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:40,916 You'’re doing great, Bob. 40 00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:42,396 You look like a gazelle back here. 41 00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:44,180 Cooper, I need you in my office now. 42 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:45,877 Technically, Dana, 43 00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:47,009 it'’s your dad'’s office, not yours. 44 00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:48,097 - Yeah? - Yeah. 45 00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:49,490 That'’s what he thinks. 46 00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:50,578 Today, Cooper. 47 00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,059 That'’s good, Bob. Take a rest. 48 00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:55,931 Oh, thank God. 49 00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:00,762 Dad, I have Cooper here. 50 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,590 ...need to see your ticket-- 51 00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:04,331 I upgraded to first class on the website! 52 00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:05,941 Dana, what time we doing that Cooper thing? 53 00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:07,159 He'’s here now. 54 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,683 - Put him on. - He is. 55 00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:10,424 - Hello, Ralph. - Enough small talk. 56 00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:12,295 I'’ve asked Dana to meet with you 57 00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:14,079 to discuss some issues we'’re having. Dana? 58 00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,690 We'’ve been watching you as head PT now 59 00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,387 for several months, and it'’s become 60 00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,433 increasingly clear that you'’re not meeting 61 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:20,695 company standards. 62 00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:22,523 Show Copernicus the numbers. 63 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,264 These are the monthly billing guidelines 64 00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,091 that have been established for you, 65 00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,268 and these are the actual totals that you billed out. 66 00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,357 Quite a discrepancy, wouldn'’t you say? 67 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:33,273 I would say that these goals are completely unrealistic. 68 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,970 Oh, you'’re the boss now? I didn'’t get the memo. 69 00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:36,667 Look, I'’ve told you this before, Ralph. 70 00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,495 I'’m not gonna overbill patients for you. 71 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,193 It'’s unethical. - Are you calling me a fraud? 72 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,760 The bottom line is this. 73 00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:44,196 We have given you 74 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,068 plenty of chances to get with the program, 75 00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:47,243 and you failed. 76 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:48,810 I'’m sorry to say this, 77 00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:50,594 but we'’re gonna have to let you go. 78 00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:51,943 You'’re firing me? 79 00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,902 You just won Jeopardy, genius. 80 00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,773 It'’s not a reflection of you as a person. 81 00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,123 How does it not reflect on me as a person? 82 00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:00,561 Have your testicles even descended yet? 83 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:01,823 Did he just say testicles? 84 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:04,042 I built this office for you. 85 00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:07,394 Every doctor that refers patients to us is because of me. 86 00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,700 Every supplier connection is because of me. 87 00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,615 Christ, I hit a game-winning home run 88 00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,095 against Silverman'’s Orthopedic All-Stars 89 00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:14,836 and won a championship for you. 90 00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:16,620 Only '’cause I got a 2-out hit in the ninth 91 00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,405 and kept the inning alive! 92 00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:20,363 Against a shortstop that had a prosthetic leg. 93 00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,496 You hit it to his weak side. There'’s no pride in that. 94 00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:24,062 Go to hell, Cooper! I never want to see you 95 00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:25,455 in my office again! 96 00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:28,589 Dana, call security. - Gladly. 97 00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:30,591 -- Calm down-- -- What was that noise? 98 00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:33,333 Are you all right? Don'’t let him take any spines! 99 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:37,728 "But the wise little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. 100 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:40,514 "'’No, I'’ll look first,'’ she said. 101 00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:43,212 "For she had read several nice little stories 102 00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:45,432 "about children who had got burnt 103 00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:50,001 and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things." 104 00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,223 Sorry, guys, sorry. 105 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:55,877 Sit tight, okay? 106 00:05:58,314 --> 00:05:59,968 Mrs. Cooper'’s class. 107 00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:02,274 Hello, Mrs. Cooper, it'’s me. 108 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,015 - Hi, me. 109 00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:05,930 So I have some good news and some bad news. 110 00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:07,671 What happened? 111 00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:09,891 Well, the bad news is, I got fired. 112 00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:11,980 The good news is, I'’m gonna start my own practice 113 00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,242 two years ahead of schedule. 114 00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:15,113 Ralph fired you? 115 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,377 Well, no, Dana did. 116 00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:18,595 Ralph was on speakerphone. 117 00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,771 Oh, my God, what an asshole. 118 00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,904 Look, honey, I'’m--I'’m really sorry, 119 00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:24,601 but I'’m in the middle of class right now. 120 00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:26,168 Can we talk later? 121 00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:28,039 Yeah, try not get fired, '’kay? 122 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,867 One of us should have a job, I think. 123 00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:31,303 Happy Halloween. 124 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,392 Good-bye. 125 00:06:55,284 --> 00:06:57,199 Oh. How'’s it going? 126 00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:59,419 - Pretty good. - Great. 127 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,421 Uh, who are you? 128 00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,988 Um, Myron Stubbs. 129 00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:07,644 You know, I'’m--I'’m Clare'’s cousin from Indianapolis. 130 00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:09,341 She said I could stay here for a few days 131 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,474 for this writing seminar I'’m going to. 132 00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:14,303 Oh, right. I thought that was in a couple weeks. 133 00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:17,524 Yeah, it got moved up, so-- I called her from the airport 134 00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,177 to find out where the spare key was. 135 00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:20,570 I never would have guessed. 136 00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,093 I'’m Noah. 137 00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,660 Oh, yeah, nice to finally meet you. 138 00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,096 Yeah, nice to meet you. 139 00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:27,011 Hey, can I ask you a question? 140 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:29,231 Is that my toothbrush next to your toenail clippings? 141 00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:30,667 Oh, is it? 142 00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,190 Oh, man, I'’m sorry. 143 00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:35,716 I forgot mine at home, so I just-- 144 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:37,413 Yeah, simple mistake. 145 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,502 Well, you know what? I'’ll just go buy one. 146 00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,199 Nah, that'’s okay. 147 00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:42,984 You know what? Keep it, 148 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,160 and think of it as a "welcome to our home" present. 149 00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,510 Really? Right on. 150 00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,164 Thanks. 151 00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:56,867 Trick or treat! 152 00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:58,782 - Trick or treat! - Uh-oh, who is it? 153 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,305 Oh, look at this. 154 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:01,959 Straight from Villa Villekulla. 155 00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,134 How exciting. 156 00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:04,571 Happy Halloween. 157 00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:05,746 Thank you. 158 00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:07,356 There'’s my unemployed man. 159 00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:09,401 Did my cousin get here okay? 160 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,838 Yeah, he went out for a while. 161 00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,796 But he said he'’d be back in a minute. 162 00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:15,103 So are you serious about what you said, 163 00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:16,931 about starting your own practice right now? 164 00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:19,281 Yeah, I mean, what have I got to lose, right? 165 00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,935 I'’ve got experience, 166 00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:23,198 and I'’m clearly executive management material. 167 00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:25,287 So what do you think? 168 00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:27,028 Can we go to the honesty zone? 169 00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:29,465 - I would love to. - I'’ve always thought 170 00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,728 you'’d be great running your own practice. You know that. 171 00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:34,252 But you haven'’t had the most stable job history, 172 00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:36,341 and this is a lot of responsibility. 173 00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,127 Wow, I hadn'’t thought of that. Thank you. 174 00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:41,433 Oh. Hmm, maybe that'’s because you'’re too busy 175 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,957 trying to avoid accountability 176 00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:45,046 by making a joke out of everything? 177 00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:47,004 Does it feel like the honesty zone'’s 178 00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,311 not quite as constructive as it used to be? 179 00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,661 You know, look, I support you no matter what. 180 00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:54,316 I just want you to be sure this is the right time. 181 00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,536 I think I can really do something great with this, 182 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,625 and it'’ll only take a few months to get started, 183 00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:01,149 so in the meantime, honey, 184 00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:03,978 I could call Donnie and get my old job back 185 00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:06,328 so we don'’t starve. - Eww. Donnie, are you sure? 186 00:09:06,415 --> 00:09:08,460 Well, he said I could come back if I wanted to, 187 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,987 and the hours are flexible, and the pay'’s not horrible. 188 00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,511 Okay, then that'’s the plan. 189 00:09:15,598 --> 00:09:17,687 - I like you. 190 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,867 Trick or treat! 191 00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:24,999 Mom? 192 00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:28,568 Marilyn, what'’s the matter? 193 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,179 I'’m fine--nothing. 194 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:34,225 I'’m--no, I'’m--I'’m perfectly happy. 195 00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,314 I-I don'’t want to bother you. I'’ll-- 196 00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:39,143 - Whoa! Hey, where is Dad? - Oh, him? 197 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:42,582 He'’s at home, and we had a really big fight. 198 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:46,020 But don'’t worry about me, because I'’m absolutely fine, 199 00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:48,370 and I'’m just gonna go to a motel room. 200 00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:49,980 No, maybe you should stay here tonight. 201 00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,721 Or come in for some coffee, 202 00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:53,157 and we'’ll call around for vacancies 203 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,464 at some-- the nicer--no? 204 00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:58,206 Well, I don'’t really want to intrude on you, darling. 205 00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:00,774 I just thought I'’d stop by, and I'’d say hello to you 206 00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:03,428 and just sort of give you the thumbs up on everything, 207 00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:05,517 you know what I'’m saying? - It'’s not a big deal 208 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,823 to come on in and use the phone, 209 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,346 check motel vacancies. 210 00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:09,696 We'’re not taking no for an answer. 211 00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:11,001 You'’re staying with us tonight. 212 00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,961 That is so sweet of you. 213 00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:16,224 All right, Hartanto, we can stay! 214 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:19,662 Come on. Let'’s go, Sammy Higgins! 215 00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:26,669 -- Sammy-- -- Oh, great, great. 216 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:29,672 Clare, it'’s--oh, don'’t worry. We'’ll gather '’em. 217 00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:32,501 Oh, you are such a tiny little blessing, Hartanto. 218 00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:35,199 Just put it anywhere. - It'’s--I'’m not Hartanto. 219 00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:36,766 Don'’t worry about it, just place '’em anywhere. 220 00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:39,247 But be careful of that glass one. 221 00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:41,815 Don'’t worry, it'’s okay. - I come back with other ones. 222 00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:44,556 You only brought the essentials, I see. 223 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,864 Yeah, I know. Honey, what are you supposed to be? 224 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:50,214 A French vampire? - Hey, check it out, 225 00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,652 your neighbor'’s giving away king-size Snickers. Hey. 226 00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:54,784 - Hey, Clare! - Oh, my goodness. 227 00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:56,438 - I'’m so happy to see you. 228 00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:58,701 - Anyway, I'’m feeling a little cooped up. 229 00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,703 Is anyone hungry? My treat. 230 00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:06,361 When was the last time you washed your hair? 231 00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:08,189 It looks kind of greasy. 232 00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:09,886 I think it'’s your diabetic retinopathy, 233 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:11,366 to be honest. 234 00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,063 Because it'’s not greasy. 235 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,718 - Oh! Look how succulent everything looks. 236 00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:16,980 Okay, sweetie, I'’ll take that. 237 00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:18,503 Yes, the egg salad is for me. 238 00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:20,505 Lady Clare will have the Belgian waffle. 239 00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:22,638 And this one right here will have the cheese sandwich. 240 00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:23,857 And whoo! 241 00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:25,423 Yes, the big guy can have the-- 242 00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:26,990 Ooh, the Spanish omelet. 243 00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:29,123 Yeah, I think she knows. She took the order. 244 00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:30,690 Oh, can I ask you, do you know 245 00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:32,735 if the cheese on the omelet has reduced fat? 246 00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:33,997 I don'’t know. 247 00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:35,433 Well, can you please check? 248 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:36,957 Because you see, we have high cholesterol 249 00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,654 and diabetes in our family. 250 00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:40,177 Sure, can I get you anything else? 251 00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:43,050 - I'’m a diabetic. And sometimes diabetics 252 00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:44,529 have very large babies. 253 00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,749 My son was ten pounds. 254 00:11:46,836 --> 00:11:48,446 - Oh, My God. - You know, we'’re great. 255 00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:49,970 Thank you. And I'’m sorry 256 00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:51,885 that you had to hear her medical history 257 00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:52,973 and mine. 258 00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,061 Okay. 259 00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:57,107 Is it just me, 260 00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:59,980 or did she seem like she was high on marijuana? 261 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,983 Are you gonna tell me what'’s going on with you and Dad? 262 00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,811 Can you please pass the salt, Myrelle? 263 00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:06,116 - Oh. - Thank you. 264 00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:08,118 - It'’s Myron. - Oh, Myron. 265 00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:11,469 Well, actually, I kind of like Myrelle better. 266 00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:13,907 It reminds me of Gone with the Wind. 267 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:16,083 Normally, black movies don'’t hold my attention, 268 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,258 but I liked that one. 269 00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,782 And I like The Jeffersons. 270 00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:23,133 Honey, how is your omelet? 271 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:24,526 I haven'’t tasted it yet. 272 00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:25,919 Can I have a little bite? 273 00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:27,398 You know, just a smidge? 274 00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:28,965 Yeah, you can tell me how it tastes. 275 00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:31,446 - Honey, can I have a bite? - Go crazy. 276 00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:33,448 Oh, get a big bite. 277 00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,058 Mm. Oh, you like it? 278 00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:36,799 You like my omelet? Should I have gotten ham? 279 00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:41,064 It is so succulent. 280 00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:42,674 So are you gonna tell me what'’s going on 281 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,546 with you and Dad, no? 282 00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:46,809 - How is school, Clare? -It'’s great. 283 00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:48,855 We had a costume competition today, 284 00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:51,031 and there was a runoff between Freddy Krueger and a crayon, 285 00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,380 and Freddy Krueger won. 286 00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:54,338 It was very cute. - You know what? 287 00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:55,687 There you go. 288 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,906 Thank you, honey. 289 00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:59,561 That is so nice, dear. 290 00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:02,477 Myron, what do you do for a living? 291 00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:03,826 I'’m a screenwriter. 292 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,872 No! That is so interesting. 293 00:13:05,959 --> 00:13:08,700 Yeah, I'’m working on a horror sci-fi project 294 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,225 that'’s set in the jungles of Vietnam. 295 00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:13,923 Lieutenant Tom Dawson gets infected 296 00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,795 by Agent Orange-infused malaria, 297 00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,145 then mutates into this violent 298 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,930 but misunderstood creature driven to insanity 299 00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,497 by the horrors of herbicidal warfare. 300 00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:23,977 That'’s unreal. 301 00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:25,674 My original title was Mansquito, 302 00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:26,893 but that'’s already been taken. 303 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,285 Oh, yeah. 304 00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:30,026 So my working title is PTSD, 305 00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,289 which is Post-Traumatic Stress-- 306 00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:33,856 - Disorder. - Destroyer. 307 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:35,771 Oh, "Destroyer." that'’s provocative. 308 00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,339 It'’s Platoonmeets, you know, The Fly. 309 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:40,036 - Excellent. - Sounds like 310 00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:41,429 it'’ll really capture 311 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,431 that authentic Vietnam experience. 312 00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:46,434 But with a sci-fi hook. Exactly. 313 00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:49,263 Half commando, half mosquito-- 314 00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,308 total terror. 315 00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:54,746 Oh, my gosh! That sounds so exciting to me! 316 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,705 Sounds great. I'’d really like to read it. 317 00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,838 How much do you get paid? 318 00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,405 Oh, well, I don'’t get paid until I sell it, 319 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:04,017 but I did send a query letter to William Morrison 320 00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:06,628 just to see if they want it for Snipes. 321 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:12,025 - Wesley Snipes? - Mm. 322 00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,679 Oh...wow. 323 00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:16,420 Is that one of your favorite black actors? 324 00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:20,207 I don'’t want to talk about it. 325 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,209 - How is everything? 326 00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,646 - Oh, it'’s succulent. Isn'’t it, everyone? 327 00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,256 Oh, hey, do you like movies? 328 00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:27,475 I love them. 329 00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:28,955 Oh, my gosh, 330 00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:31,174 you should tell her your idea, Myron. 331 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,916 Lieutenant Tom Dawson gets infected 332 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,962 with Agent Orange-infused malaria... 333 00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:42,229 Ohhh, come on. 334 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,971 Oh, my God. Clare, I'’m so sorry. 335 00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:47,974 Bad! 336 00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,584 Hello? 337 00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:51,194 Is your mother there? 338 00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:52,804 I'’m not kidding, you made pack leader angry! 339 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,719 Never mind, I hear my answer 340 00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:57,070 shitting on your floor. - Okay, what'’s going on? 341 00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,462 She said you guys got in a fight, 342 00:14:58,549 --> 00:14:59,986 but every time I ask her about it, 343 00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:01,509 she ignores me. - How should I know? 344 00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,511 We'’re handing out candy one minute, 345 00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:04,729 and the next, she'’s yelling at me 346 00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:06,253 in that ridiculous pumpkin suit. 347 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:07,732 All right, well, what did you do? 348 00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:09,821 Just put her on the phone. - Mom. 349 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,215 No, I am not gonna get on the phone with him. 350 00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:13,608 She doesn'’t want to talk. 351 00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:15,175 There'’s a first. 352 00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:17,307 Who is it, Gene? Is it her? 353 00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:20,049 - No, it'’s your unemployed grandson. 354 00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:22,225 Okay, what does that have to do with anything? 355 00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:23,748 I'’m just stating the facts. 356 00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,359 Well, we'’re not all lucky enough 357 00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,274 to work at the post office our whole lives. 358 00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:28,753 It'’s not luck when you earn it. 359 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:29,929 Okay, well, whatever. 360 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:31,582 She'’s spending the night here, 361 00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:32,801 so you'’re gonna have to talk to her tomorrow. 362 00:15:32,888 --> 00:15:34,542 Don'’t bet on it. Aaah! 363 00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:36,152 She just fell, didn'’t she? 364 00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,284 Yeah. 365 00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:40,940 I hope I'’m not putting you out, Myron. 366 00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,724 No, I'’ll be fine on the couch. 367 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,334 Sammy, Sammy, get out of there. 368 00:15:44,421 --> 00:15:45,945 What are you doing in my pursey-wursey? 369 00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,772 So these guys all have the same name, huh? 370 00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:50,340 Oh, yeah, no, they'’re part of my home dog rescue. 371 00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:53,300 Yeah, I have-- I average about 40 a year, 372 00:15:53,387 --> 00:15:54,954 and that'’s why I call everyone Sammy Higgins. 373 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,651 It'’s easy to remember. 374 00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:58,392 Plus, it helps me keep a detached professionalism 375 00:15:58,479 --> 00:15:59,784 when they get adopted. 376 00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:00,960 You okay there? - Right on. 377 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:02,744 Well, I hope you feel better. 378 00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:04,050 I'’ll see you in the morning, I guess. 379 00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:05,834 Wonderful. Good luck 380 00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:07,227 on that writing seminar tomorrow. 381 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,533 - Thanks. - '’Kay, bye, Myron. 382 00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,187 Marilyn, is this yours? 383 00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:12,884 This was just laying on the living room floor. 384 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,190 Thank you so much. 385 00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,583 It must have slipped out of my bag. 386 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:17,498 Yeah, what the hell is that thing? 387 00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:20,153 It'’s just a lighter. Relax. Bang! 388 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,371 You know what I do? 389 00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:23,069 I use it to scare people like you 390 00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:24,766 who sneak up on me. 391 00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:26,550 Wouldn'’t it be safer to just carry some Mace? 392 00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:28,117 Oh, I tried that once, 393 00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:30,163 but I ended up mistaking it for Binaca. 394 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,121 - Come here. - Well, I'’m going to sleep. 395 00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:33,905 - You'’re going? Oh. - I'’ll see you in the morning. 396 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,517 Please help yourself to whatever you want. 397 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:40,129 Call me if you need help with this turkey. Ah. 398 00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,653 Oh, gosh, Noah, you know what'’s funny? 399 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,264 Yeah, I do. 400 00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,396 What'’s funny is my head is throbbing, 401 00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,529 but the fall snapped my shoulder back into place. 402 00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,531 I got to remember to tell my Pain Pals about that, right? 403 00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:52,663 Yeah, Mom, maybe you should just go to bed, 404 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,535 '’cause it'’s getting late, and it'’s been a long day. 405 00:16:54,622 --> 00:16:56,885 You want to play Scrabble? I brought my dictionary. 406 00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:58,321 Oh, no, but maybe tomorrow. 407 00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,628 Oh, oh, okay. 408 00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:02,934 - Okay, good night. Hmm? - Noah? 409 00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,676 Hug me as hard as you can 410 00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:07,722 and show me how much you love me. 411 00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:11,900 Mmm. Harder. 412 00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:14,511 - I don'’t want to dislodge that shoulder of yours. 413 00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:15,773 - Oh. 414 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,601 Nice to meet you. 415 00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,864 - Noah? - Yeah. 416 00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:23,868 You forgot to say good night to Sammy Higgins. 417 00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:28,221 Uh, good night, Sammy Higginses. 418 00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:32,399 - Look how much he loves you. - Good night. 419 00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,794 I love-- 420 00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:39,101 you too. 421 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,503 Oh, my God. 422 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:52,288 Come on, she'’s only here for one night. 423 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,203 Oh, I wish they would just get divorced already 424 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,510 and put us all out of our misery. 425 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:57,641 Is my hair really greasy? 426 00:17:57,728 --> 00:17:59,643 No, not really. 427 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,123 Sometimes. 428 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,777 She'’s just so needy one minute 429 00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:04,431 and then critical the next. 430 00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,389 Why don'’t you tell her that? 431 00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:08,261 Well, I think it would hurt her feelings. 432 00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:10,132 Maybe I should pay someone to do it. 433 00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:12,395 Do you want to make five bucks? 434 00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:14,267 - Good night, cutie. - Good night. 435 00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:20,708 Honey? 436 00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,144 - What? - Honey? 437 00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:23,667 What is it? 438 00:18:23,754 --> 00:18:25,626 We'’re supposed to do the deed tonight. 439 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,280 Oh, does that start today? 440 00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:29,108 The next fournights. 441 00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,979 Oh, cool. 442 00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:33,155 Um, do you think maybe we should hold off 443 00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,244 until we settle the whole job thing? 444 00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:38,856 And that would be when exactly? 445 00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:41,903 Well, are you even sure that you'’re ovulating or-- 446 00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,513 Yeah, I mean, it'’s what the calendar says, 447 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,212 tonight, tomorrow. 448 00:18:46,299 --> 00:18:47,300 Okay. 449 00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:51,521 Look, if you'’re not up for it, you'’re not up for it. 450 00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:53,001 Well, I can get up for it. 451 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,611 It'’s just been a crazy day. 452 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:56,396 Okay, well, 453 00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,180 we'’ll do it tomorrow, I guess. 454 00:18:58,267 --> 00:18:59,225 Twice. 455 00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:00,791 Yeah, right, as if. 456 00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:03,011 All right, thanks. 457 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,857 Spoony? 458 00:19:22,944 --> 00:19:25,381 Clare Bear, I'’m so tired. 459 00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:28,123 Spoony? 460 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,038 Baby, I'’m just trying to stretch out, okay? 461 00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:31,735 Pull your head out of your ass, babe. 462 00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,607 I want to be held. - Oh, okay. 463 00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:56,412 It'’s okay! It'’s okay! It'’s okay! 464 00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:57,805 - It'’s just me. -Honey, are you okay? 465 00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,763 - I'’m fine. Go back to sleep, honey. 466 00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:01,243 -Mom? - Myron, you'’re having a dream. 467 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:02,679 Go back to sleep. 468 00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:04,899 It'’s all right. It'’s okay. 469 00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:07,336 Listen, it'’s all right. Let'’s sit down, okay? 470 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:10,252 Let'’s save the remodel for later, okay? 471 00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,386 Are you hungry? Is that why you'’re up? 472 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,170 Do you want me to make you some toast? 473 00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:20,915 I think your father'’s having an aff...air. 474 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:25,659 It'’s okay, Sammy Higgins. 475 00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,182 Go on back to bed. 476 00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:28,879 Okay, what are you talking about? 477 00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:30,098 That'’s what we'’ve been fighting about. 478 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,447 I confronted him, 479 00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:33,188 and he lied to me, so I left. 480 00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:35,146 I left, and now I'’m all alone, 481 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,539 and I'’d give just about anything 482 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:38,106 to get my hands on an apple fritter, 483 00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:39,368 but never mind, I just-- 484 00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:40,413 it'’s--I'’m fine. 485 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:41,501 I'’m perfectly-- 486 00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:43,372 Well, hey, sit down. 487 00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,069 Are you sure Dad-- 488 00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:46,897 Put his thing in another woman'’s thing, 489 00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:50,118 and it felt good, and then they did it again, 490 00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:52,468 and then he probably saw or felt her boobs 491 00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:54,514 in the middle of all that? 492 00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:57,821 - Yeah. - It'’s pretty clear to me, yes. 493 00:20:57,908 --> 00:21:00,520 All right, come on, Mom. There'’s no way Dad did that. 494 00:21:00,607 --> 00:21:02,304 Did you actually see him doing this? 495 00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:05,089 A woman knows. Trust me. 496 00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:07,570 It'’s like when you look at a person 497 00:21:07,657 --> 00:21:10,181 and you know they'’re gay-- you can just tell. 498 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,184 Right. Look, I think we'’re both really tired. 499 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,577 And maybe we should go to bed 500 00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:17,101 and talk about this tomorrow morning. 501 00:21:17,188 --> 00:21:19,103 I need a place to stay 502 00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:20,757 until I can decide what to do. 503 00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:22,629 Now, maybe you might know somebody 504 00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:25,066 who could take me in for a couple of weeks? 505 00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:26,981 A couple of weeks? 506 00:21:27,068 --> 00:21:29,375 Yeah, well, sure, to clear my head and-- 507 00:21:29,462 --> 00:21:33,509 Well, I know that there are YWCAs. 508 00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:34,858 Those are nice. 509 00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:39,254 Yeah. 510 00:21:39,341 --> 00:21:40,429 Okay. 511 00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:45,173 Uh-- Okay, okay. - Oh! Oh! 512 00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:46,392 But listen to me. 513 00:21:46,479 --> 00:21:48,176 I need you to promise me 514 00:21:48,263 --> 00:21:49,438 that you'’re going to be good. 515 00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:50,918 No prying, no chaos, 516 00:21:51,005 --> 00:21:53,007 no insanity, no circus routine. 517 00:21:53,094 --> 00:21:54,878 You'’re going like this. I want to see this. 518 00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:57,968 I promise you'’re not even gonna know I'’m here. 519 00:21:58,055 --> 00:21:59,361 Scout'’s honor. 520 00:22:00,449 --> 00:22:02,321 That'’s not the Scout'’s honor. 521 00:22:02,408 --> 00:22:05,280 That'’s something to do with Star Trekor Star-- 522 00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:07,195 Good night. - Thank you. 523 00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:09,328 Thank you. I'’m gonna be so good. 524 00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:14,028 Honey, she wants to stay for two weeks. 525 00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:15,812 - Really? - Yeah. 526 00:22:15,899 --> 00:22:17,510 I guess that'’s okay. 527 00:22:17,597 --> 00:22:18,946 I mean, she doesn'’t have anywhere else to go. 528 00:22:19,033 --> 00:22:20,948 No, that'’s not okay. 529 00:22:21,035 --> 00:22:22,993 How am I gonna screen her calls if she'’s here with us? 530 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,734 She will bring great unhappiness to this household. 531 00:22:24,821 --> 00:22:26,083 Mark my words. 532 00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:27,824 Don'’t be such a drama queen. 533 00:22:27,911 --> 00:22:29,217 It'’s okay. 534 00:22:29,304 --> 00:22:30,653 Let'’s just go to sleep now. 535 00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:33,134 Honey, I'’m too wound up now. 536 00:22:33,221 --> 00:22:35,092 I'’m really gonna need a BJ to calm down. 537 00:22:35,179 --> 00:22:37,312 Nice try. 538 00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:38,922 Good night. 539 00:22:51,239 --> 00:22:52,327 - Oh! - Oh. 540 00:22:53,502 --> 00:22:55,548 Good morning, Captain. 541 00:22:55,635 --> 00:22:57,419 - What are you doing? - Guess what. 542 00:22:57,506 --> 00:22:59,290 Breakfast is ready. 543 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:00,944 Can I just get some privacy, please? 544 00:23:01,031 --> 00:23:02,903 Uh-oh. 545 00:23:02,990 --> 00:23:05,993 Here comes the grumpy bear. 546 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,996 I'’m 29 years old. I'’m not playing grumpy bear. 547 00:23:09,083 --> 00:23:13,261 And nothing stops the grumpy bear but a big-- 548 00:23:13,348 --> 00:23:15,916 Rar!--smile. 549 00:23:19,789 --> 00:23:21,748 Oh-- Unhhh! 550 00:23:21,835 --> 00:23:24,228 - - Marilyn sniffing ] 551 00:23:24,315 --> 00:23:26,666 When was the last time you washed your bedspread? 552 00:23:26,753 --> 00:23:28,537 Okay, out, go, go. 553 00:23:28,624 --> 00:23:29,973 I mean, what are you, the stink police? 554 00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:31,366 Get that creature out of here. 555 00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:33,063 All right, Sammy Higgins, 556 00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:35,457 let'’s let your grumpy brother get dressed. 557 00:23:35,544 --> 00:23:36,980 - Come on. - He'’s not my brother. 558 00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:39,026 He'’s a dog. 559 00:23:39,113 --> 00:23:42,333 And I'’m a human being. 560 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:45,946 And my sheets don'’t even sm-- Oh, my God. 561 00:23:47,948 --> 00:23:49,558 Max, I need a new 562 00:23:49,645 --> 00:23:51,560 minority villain sergeant, please. 563 00:23:51,647 --> 00:23:53,693 Is he Hopi Indian? 564 00:23:53,780 --> 00:23:55,346 - Hmm. - No, too peaceful. 565 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:56,913 Hmm! 566 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,959 - Morning. - Morning, camper. 567 00:23:59,046 --> 00:24:01,396 Honey, there'’s some carob chip pancakes on the stove there. 568 00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:04,007 Thanks. Could you not smoke in the house, Mom? 569 00:24:04,094 --> 00:24:06,314 How did I ever raise such a funny son? 570 00:24:06,401 --> 00:24:09,273 You are a crackup with the jokes, sweetie. 571 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:10,840 Is he African-American? 572 00:24:10,927 --> 00:24:12,451 - A little stale, Max. 573 00:24:12,538 --> 00:24:14,453 Myron, I thought your writing seminar was today. 574 00:24:14,540 --> 00:24:16,411 Yeah, it got pushed back. 575 00:24:16,498 --> 00:24:18,935 Is he Puerto Rican? 576 00:24:19,022 --> 00:24:21,590 Excellent, Max, fresh new take. 577 00:24:21,677 --> 00:24:24,245 - P-U-E-R. - What is that thing? 578 00:24:24,332 --> 00:24:26,290 Oh, it'’s a-- it'’s a new voice recognition 579 00:24:26,377 --> 00:24:28,510 script writing program called Max 9000. 580 00:24:28,597 --> 00:24:30,643 He'’s my digital collaborator. 581 00:24:30,730 --> 00:24:34,951 Watch. Max, I need a name for my new minority villain sergeant. 582 00:24:35,038 --> 00:24:36,997 - Max 9000. 583 00:24:37,084 --> 00:24:39,739 Try again. 584 00:24:39,826 --> 00:24:41,958 - Victor Escobar. 585 00:24:42,045 --> 00:24:43,569 Perfect. 586 00:24:43,656 --> 00:24:45,658 Wow, writing is easy. 587 00:24:45,745 --> 00:24:48,008 Oh, I know. You'’re telling me. 588 00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:54,144 Isn'’t it sweet of Myron to take care of Sammy Higgins? 589 00:24:54,231 --> 00:24:57,365 I think Myron has some paralyzing social deficiencies. 590 00:24:57,452 --> 00:24:59,976 - So much fun getting out of the house, 591 00:25:00,063 --> 00:25:01,804 being with my son. 592 00:25:01,891 --> 00:25:03,763 Whoo! Here we go. 593 00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:06,853 - Oh, well. 594 00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:08,985 - Whoa, Mom, what are you-- Pick that up! 595 00:25:09,072 --> 00:25:11,335 I'’m not--oh. - We'’re not in Tijuana. 596 00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:13,424 - Come on, I'’ve obeyed the rules all my life, 597 00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:15,035 if I want to throw 598 00:25:15,122 --> 00:25:16,427 a little trash on the ground occasionally 599 00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:17,951 I think I'’ve earned the right. 600 00:25:18,038 --> 00:25:20,475 - That makes zero sense. - Yeah, to you, maybe. 601 00:25:20,562 --> 00:25:23,260 - Just go do your shopping, and I'’ll come find you after. 602 00:25:23,347 --> 00:25:25,436 - Okay, turkey lips. - Hey, don'’t call me turkey-- 603 00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:27,177 Whoa! 604 00:25:27,264 --> 00:25:29,528 All right, honey bunch. I love you. 605 00:25:29,615 --> 00:25:31,312 Knock '’em dead! - Oh! 606 00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:36,491 -Aah! Sorry! 607 00:25:37,927 --> 00:25:39,146 Thanks again for seeing me 608 00:25:39,233 --> 00:25:41,017 on such short notice, Donnie. 609 00:25:41,104 --> 00:25:43,150 Hey, what are former bosses for? 610 00:25:43,237 --> 00:25:45,326 So the wife good? 611 00:25:45,413 --> 00:25:46,588 Uh, yes, very good. 612 00:25:46,675 --> 00:25:47,720 Kids? 613 00:25:47,807 --> 00:25:49,635 No, not yet. 614 00:25:49,722 --> 00:25:52,376 Clare'’s pretty eager, though, 615 00:25:52,463 --> 00:25:53,726 so we'’ve been trying. 616 00:25:53,813 --> 00:25:55,249 Boy, do I know what that'’s like. 617 00:25:55,336 --> 00:25:57,120 The missus wanting to settle down and nest, 618 00:25:57,207 --> 00:25:59,949 bringing spousal pressure on the head of the household 619 00:26:00,036 --> 00:26:01,211 to buckle under and procreate. 620 00:26:01,298 --> 00:26:02,822 Not a fun place to be in 621 00:26:02,909 --> 00:26:04,127 if you'’re not ready to have kids, 622 00:26:04,214 --> 00:26:05,825 you know what I mean? 623 00:26:05,912 --> 00:26:07,261 Between you and me, 624 00:26:07,348 --> 00:26:08,915 there'’s plenty of things you can do 625 00:26:09,002 --> 00:26:10,960 to lower your sperm count-- simple things. 626 00:26:11,047 --> 00:26:12,571 Excuse me? 627 00:26:12,658 --> 00:26:14,181 Oh, yeah. 628 00:26:14,268 --> 00:26:16,531 I delayed conception for months. 629 00:26:16,618 --> 00:26:19,752 I took scalding hot baths, wore tight underwear, 630 00:26:19,839 --> 00:26:22,058 anything to sap those nuts. 631 00:26:22,145 --> 00:26:24,931 Of course, rubbing one out before sex 632 00:26:25,018 --> 00:26:28,412 is the best way to deplete viable sperm from your load. 633 00:26:28,499 --> 00:26:30,414 Good to know. Thank you. 634 00:26:30,501 --> 00:26:32,982 So anyway, I was surprised to hear from you. 635 00:26:33,069 --> 00:26:35,985 I thought once you became Mr. Physical Therapy 636 00:26:36,072 --> 00:26:38,684 you'’d be done with the carpet industry forever. 637 00:26:38,771 --> 00:26:40,294 - After I graduated school, 638 00:26:40,381 --> 00:26:42,209 I worked a few years for-- 639 00:26:42,296 --> 00:26:44,777 Carpet Bazaar, Donnie Booker speaking. 640 00:26:45,952 --> 00:26:46,909 Go ahead, I'’m listening. 641 00:26:46,996 --> 00:26:47,997 Me? 642 00:26:48,955 --> 00:26:50,521 So after college, 643 00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:52,001 I worked for a number of private practices. 644 00:26:52,088 --> 00:26:53,263 Uh-huh. 645 00:26:53,350 --> 00:26:55,178 And although I gained 646 00:26:55,265 --> 00:26:57,050 a lot of valuable experience, 647 00:26:57,137 --> 00:26:58,834 I found that that environment just wasn'’t for me. 648 00:26:58,921 --> 00:27:00,053 Uh-huh. 649 00:27:00,140 --> 00:27:01,794 So now I'’m just-- 650 00:27:01,881 --> 00:27:03,273 I'’m looking for solid employment, you know. 651 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,145 Uh-huh, right. 652 00:27:05,232 --> 00:27:06,712 And since you said I'’d always have a job here, 653 00:27:06,799 --> 00:27:08,104 I thought I'’d take you up on that offer. 654 00:27:08,191 --> 00:27:09,802 Blue. 655 00:27:09,889 --> 00:27:11,630 Your recent firing would ordinarily be 656 00:27:11,717 --> 00:27:15,024 an enormous red flag to anybody with half a brain. 657 00:27:15,111 --> 00:27:16,765 I have two halves, 658 00:27:16,852 --> 00:27:18,767 and I believe in giving people a second chance 659 00:27:18,854 --> 00:27:21,422 after they'’ve thrown away the best years of their lives. 660 00:27:21,509 --> 00:27:23,163 And if you think you'’re ready 661 00:27:23,250 --> 00:27:25,121 to take it to the next level, mister, 662 00:27:25,208 --> 00:27:28,081 you can fill out some paperwork and start today. 663 00:27:28,168 --> 00:27:33,608 Oh, I'’m--I'’m ready to take it to the next level and beyond. 664 00:27:35,001 --> 00:27:37,612 Well, I guess all I have to say is, 665 00:27:37,699 --> 00:27:39,919 take your shirt off. 666 00:27:40,006 --> 00:27:41,660 I'’m kidding. 667 00:27:43,226 --> 00:27:45,315 Welcome back to the Bazaar. 668 00:27:45,402 --> 00:27:47,709 Thank you. 669 00:27:47,796 --> 00:27:50,059 That was a really good joke. 670 00:28:05,335 --> 00:28:06,554 Thank you. 671 00:28:06,641 --> 00:28:09,470 Oh! 672 00:28:09,557 --> 00:28:10,776 Thank you, Mr. Donnie. 673 00:28:13,474 --> 00:28:14,867 Mom, Mom, Mom, 674 00:28:14,954 --> 00:28:16,085 what are you doing here? 675 00:28:16,172 --> 00:28:18,044 Oh! I just got a job! 676 00:28:18,131 --> 00:28:20,133 - Where? - Here. 677 00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:22,918 They needed a sales assistant, somebody to write up orders, 678 00:28:23,005 --> 00:28:24,877 schedule deliveries, things like that. 679 00:28:24,964 --> 00:28:26,617 No, no, there'’s no way they need someone like that. 680 00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:28,228 No, I got done shopping. 681 00:28:28,315 --> 00:28:30,404 So I came inside because it was so hot outside. 682 00:28:30,491 --> 00:28:32,319 Oh, remind me to ask them 683 00:28:32,406 --> 00:28:34,190 when they cleaned those air conditioning filters last, 684 00:28:34,277 --> 00:28:35,888 because you know what? 685 00:28:35,975 --> 00:28:37,237 You can get the Legionnaires'’ disease. 686 00:28:37,324 --> 00:28:39,326 Mom, Mom, focus. 687 00:28:39,413 --> 00:28:42,329 Okay, what happened was, I got talking to Donnie, 688 00:28:42,416 --> 00:28:45,245 and he thought I would be perfect for the job. 689 00:28:45,332 --> 00:28:47,987 And I could use the money, and I thought, "Why not?" 690 00:28:48,074 --> 00:28:50,250 I mean, can you believe? 691 00:28:52,992 --> 00:28:55,211 I mean, I haven'’t had a job 692 00:28:55,298 --> 00:28:57,126 since I worked at the House of Peanuts 693 00:28:57,213 --> 00:28:59,955 before you were born, and now we'’re gonna be coworkers. 694 00:29:00,042 --> 00:29:01,696 Oh! Hug me. 695 00:29:01,783 --> 00:29:04,351 Oh! Oh... 696 00:29:04,438 --> 00:29:06,309 - Okay. 697 00:29:06,396 --> 00:29:08,790 You know what, Darlene, that'’s your department. 698 00:29:08,877 --> 00:29:10,009 Take care of it. 699 00:29:11,532 --> 00:29:12,838 Good morning. 700 00:29:12,925 --> 00:29:14,796 Welcome to Carpet Bazaar orientation. 701 00:29:16,363 --> 00:29:18,234 All right, cut the crap. 702 00:29:18,321 --> 00:29:20,019 We'’re gonna be watching a safety video, 703 00:29:20,106 --> 00:29:21,368 and then we'’ll move on to a tour of the facility. 704 00:29:21,455 --> 00:29:22,978 Excuse me, Donnie, 705 00:29:23,065 --> 00:29:24,632 do we have to watch the video? 706 00:29:24,719 --> 00:29:26,765 I mean, I'’ve already seen it. 707 00:29:26,852 --> 00:29:29,332 - What color is my lamp? - Your lamp? 708 00:29:29,419 --> 00:29:32,422 - What color is my lamp? - Gold? 709 00:29:32,509 --> 00:29:34,642 That'’s right. It'’s gold. I'’m the owner. 710 00:29:34,729 --> 00:29:36,862 That means I make all executive level decisions. 711 00:29:36,949 --> 00:29:39,516 What color is your lamp? - His is silver. 712 00:29:39,603 --> 00:29:42,041 - That'’s right. It'’s silver. Good initiative, Marilyn. 713 00:29:42,128 --> 00:29:43,390 Thank you. 714 00:29:43,477 --> 00:29:45,479 Silver means assistant manager, 715 00:29:45,566 --> 00:29:47,481 which means assistant level decisions. 716 00:29:47,568 --> 00:29:50,527 Yours is bronze. No decisions. 717 00:29:50,614 --> 00:29:51,790 Put your hand down. 718 00:29:51,877 --> 00:29:53,835 The following safety video 719 00:29:53,922 --> 00:29:55,837 contains information that may one day save your lives. 720 00:29:55,924 --> 00:29:57,447 I suggest taking notes. 721 00:30:01,495 --> 00:30:04,019 He seems very knowledgeable. 722 00:30:04,106 --> 00:30:07,283 "It only takes a second." 723 00:30:07,370 --> 00:30:09,372 - But watching it feels like a lifetime. 724 00:30:11,026 --> 00:30:12,593 Oh, my God. 725 00:30:16,075 --> 00:30:17,685 What is the message of that? 726 00:30:17,772 --> 00:30:18,729 Don'’t drive a wood-paneled station wagon 727 00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:19,818 in a winter blizzard? 728 00:30:22,995 --> 00:30:24,648 Hey, you guys, I'’m in here! 729 00:30:24,735 --> 00:30:25,780 Hey! 730 00:30:25,867 --> 00:30:27,477 Help! No! 731 00:30:27,564 --> 00:30:30,089 My heart goes out. 732 00:30:30,176 --> 00:30:32,482 - To the actors in-- - But--Just-- 733 00:30:34,006 --> 00:30:35,572 I'’ll sell you the whole seat, 734 00:30:35,659 --> 00:30:36,791 but you'’ll only need the edge for this video. 735 00:30:36,878 --> 00:30:39,098 - Shh! Donnie could come back. 736 00:30:39,185 --> 00:30:40,621 He may quiz us. 737 00:30:40,708 --> 00:30:42,536 I want to be the person who knows 738 00:30:42,623 --> 00:30:45,017 what my job is and requirements. 739 00:30:45,104 --> 00:30:47,671 We also have some new product lines 740 00:30:47,758 --> 00:30:50,109 you'’ll have to familiarize yourself with immediately. 741 00:30:50,196 --> 00:30:51,937 That should be a rewarding challenge. 742 00:30:52,024 --> 00:30:53,895 Okay, pop quiz. 743 00:30:53,982 --> 00:30:56,811 How many square yards are there in a 12x18 piece of carpet? 744 00:30:56,898 --> 00:30:59,553 - 1,000? - 24. 745 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:01,642 Looks like somebody already forgot his conversions, okay? 746 00:31:01,729 --> 00:31:03,078 Don'’t let me down again. 747 00:31:03,165 --> 00:31:05,167 Hi, honey. Hi, Donnie. 748 00:31:05,254 --> 00:31:07,256 Incidentally, I presume you can maintain a professional 749 00:31:07,343 --> 00:31:08,779 working relationship with your mother? 750 00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:11,043 Yeah, about that. I'’m a little concerned 751 00:31:11,130 --> 00:31:13,567 that she lacks any qualifications whatsoever. 752 00:31:13,654 --> 00:31:14,916 No, I'’m an incredible judge of potential. 753 00:31:15,003 --> 00:31:16,526 She'’ll be fine. 754 00:31:16,613 --> 00:31:17,876 Well, she'’s not worked since the Peanut-- 755 00:31:17,963 --> 00:31:19,921 Shh. This is learning time. 756 00:31:20,008 --> 00:31:21,836 Take this opportunity to learn. 757 00:31:21,923 --> 00:31:24,317 Okay, what'’s the most important thing about sales? 758 00:31:24,404 --> 00:31:27,276 Uh, I'’m pretty sure it'’s friendliness? 759 00:31:27,363 --> 00:31:28,843 No, the up-sell. 760 00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:31,411 Come on, shake the cobwebs out, man. 761 00:31:31,498 --> 00:31:32,847 Okay, quick refresher course. 762 00:31:32,934 --> 00:31:34,980 See that lady over there? - Mm-hmm. 763 00:31:35,067 --> 00:31:36,546 - I'’m gonna up-sell her, 764 00:31:36,633 --> 00:31:37,721 and you'’re gonna watch me, understand? 765 00:31:37,808 --> 00:31:39,201 I think I'’m starting to. 766 00:31:39,288 --> 00:31:41,377 Yeah, she'’s looking at the Berber, 767 00:31:41,464 --> 00:31:43,423 but she'’s leaving with multiframe Wilton. 768 00:31:43,510 --> 00:31:45,512 Watch and learn, Cochise. 769 00:31:48,558 --> 00:31:51,039 Ah, I see you'’re looking at the Berber. 770 00:31:51,126 --> 00:31:52,649 - Yes. - Very nice. 771 00:31:52,736 --> 00:31:54,825 If you want to go class A, 772 00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:56,479 you want to look at this one down here. 773 00:31:56,566 --> 00:31:58,177 This is a multiframe Wilton. 774 00:31:58,264 --> 00:31:59,830 Check it out. 775 00:32:05,532 --> 00:32:07,838 Mm-hmm, this feels nice. 776 00:32:09,623 --> 00:32:12,234 Yes, that'’s probably the best carpet we have. 777 00:32:12,321 --> 00:32:14,976 I'’m gonna try not to be involved with this. 778 00:32:15,063 --> 00:32:16,499 Right down at the bottom, can you see it? 779 00:32:16,586 --> 00:32:18,197 You might have to bend a little bit. 780 00:32:18,284 --> 00:32:19,285 There, right there. 781 00:32:22,331 --> 00:32:24,594 Is he Samoan? 782 00:32:24,681 --> 00:32:26,379 Hello. 783 00:32:26,466 --> 00:32:28,294 Whoo, home again, home again, jiggity jig. 784 00:32:28,381 --> 00:32:29,991 I don'’t know about you, 785 00:32:30,078 --> 00:32:31,340 but this working stiff could sure use a cold one. 786 00:32:31,427 --> 00:32:32,428 Make mine a double. 787 00:32:55,756 --> 00:32:59,020 Mm, sperm are dwindling. 788 00:32:59,107 --> 00:33:00,543 Okay. 789 00:33:00,630 --> 00:33:02,545 - Oh! Occupied. 790 00:33:02,632 --> 00:33:04,678 It'’s me. Your mom needs some Tums. She ran out. 791 00:33:04,765 --> 00:33:08,421 Taking a shower, a very mild 792 00:33:08,508 --> 00:33:10,423 and soothing shower. 793 00:33:10,510 --> 00:33:13,208 You'’re not playing soapy worm, are you? 794 00:33:13,295 --> 00:33:15,080 Yep, you caught me. 795 00:33:15,167 --> 00:33:16,472 I'’ll be out in a minute. 796 00:33:23,479 --> 00:33:25,090 Oh, oh. 797 00:33:25,177 --> 00:33:28,267 Oh, it is just so much fun to be part of a team. 798 00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:30,269 Oh, and you know what, Clare? 799 00:33:30,356 --> 00:33:32,749 We get a 10% employee discount 800 00:33:32,836 --> 00:33:34,664 on every 2,500 square feet of carpet that we purchase. 801 00:33:34,751 --> 00:33:37,493 It'’s true. 802 00:33:37,580 --> 00:33:38,755 And they have a big picnic every June. 803 00:33:38,842 --> 00:33:40,322 And they have 804 00:33:40,409 --> 00:33:42,150 a competitive softball team, Myron. 805 00:33:42,237 --> 00:33:43,891 It sounds like you'’re really enjoying yourself. 806 00:33:43,978 --> 00:33:46,763 Oh, you would have been so proud of Noah 807 00:33:46,850 --> 00:33:49,244 out there in the field today, 808 00:33:49,331 --> 00:33:50,767 even though he didn'’t talk to me very much. 809 00:33:50,854 --> 00:33:52,508 I figure he must have been working 810 00:33:52,595 --> 00:33:54,293 on his award-winning customer service 811 00:33:54,380 --> 00:33:58,166 and not intentionally ignoring his mom... 812 00:33:58,253 --> 00:34:00,125 Yeah, I was really proud of me too, 813 00:34:00,212 --> 00:34:01,996 '’cause there was a moment-- I'’m gonna be honest-- 814 00:34:02,083 --> 00:34:04,172 that I felt kind of overqualified 815 00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:06,653 and yet useless at the same time, 816 00:34:06,740 --> 00:34:09,482 and then I saw the gigantic piece of carpet, 817 00:34:09,569 --> 00:34:12,137 and I realized the genie had been bottled up 818 00:34:12,224 --> 00:34:13,964 in here the whole time. 819 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,054 I think I'’m wiser for it. 820 00:34:21,102 --> 00:34:23,017 I had a nice breakthrough on the script today. 821 00:34:23,104 --> 00:34:25,411 Did you? 822 00:34:25,498 --> 00:34:27,891 In the middle of a village raid, searching for mercenary VC, 823 00:34:27,978 --> 00:34:31,460 Lieutenant Tom Dawson starts to grow a syringe-like proboscis. 824 00:34:31,547 --> 00:34:34,028 - Oh! - Excuse me. 825 00:34:34,115 --> 00:34:36,378 - It'’s like a weird nose. 826 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,692 Well, I guess his attention span isn'’t what it used to be. 827 00:34:45,779 --> 00:34:47,955 He just has a lot on his-- 828 00:34:48,042 --> 00:34:49,609 Oh! Oh, my God, I'’ve got to get ready 829 00:34:49,696 --> 00:34:51,176 for my Pain Pal meeting. 830 00:34:51,263 --> 00:34:52,438 They'’re gonna be here any second. 831 00:34:52,525 --> 00:34:54,092 Clare, dinner? Yummy. 832 00:35:00,359 --> 00:35:01,925 Did you make any dessert? 833 00:35:02,012 --> 00:35:04,014 In the fridge. 834 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,103 Right on. 835 00:35:07,496 --> 00:35:10,108 So anyway, I'’ve been eating a lot of chocolate, 836 00:35:10,195 --> 00:35:13,546 which I know hasn'’t helped my blood sugar level. 837 00:35:13,633 --> 00:35:15,504 And the chewing has caused my TMJ to flare up. 838 00:35:15,591 --> 00:35:17,419 Can you hear it? Listen, girls. 839 00:35:17,506 --> 00:35:18,594 It'’s worse than ever. 840 00:35:18,681 --> 00:35:20,118 Poor Marilyn. 841 00:35:20,205 --> 00:35:22,294 - I did exactly the same thing. 842 00:35:22,381 --> 00:35:23,991 Oh, honey. 843 00:35:24,078 --> 00:35:26,254 Everybody, you know my son, Noah. 844 00:35:26,341 --> 00:35:28,387 Hi, Noah. 845 00:35:28,474 --> 00:35:30,998 - Hi, there. - Dear, do you think you could 846 00:35:31,085 --> 00:35:32,434 take a look at Barbara'’s foot? 847 00:35:32,521 --> 00:35:34,132 Her GP says she has fallen arches, 848 00:35:34,219 --> 00:35:35,916 but she feels like she needs a second opinion. 849 00:35:36,003 --> 00:35:39,137 Yeah, she should really see a podiatrist about that. 850 00:35:39,224 --> 00:35:41,226 Just a little peek, Noah. 851 00:35:41,313 --> 00:35:44,707 It'’s been so difficult getting around on the bus lately. 852 00:35:44,794 --> 00:35:46,535 I'’d really appreciate it. 853 00:35:46,622 --> 00:35:49,364 Well, since you'’re riding mass transit, 854 00:35:49,451 --> 00:35:51,236 I guess I'’ll look. 855 00:35:52,672 --> 00:35:53,760 Oh, thank you, sweetie. 856 00:35:53,847 --> 00:35:55,762 Oh, dear, 857 00:35:55,849 --> 00:35:57,198 look at that, honey. 858 00:35:57,285 --> 00:35:59,461 - Get right-- oh, right in-- 859 00:35:59,548 --> 00:36:02,334 Yeah--oh, that-- oh, that'’s the spot. 860 00:36:02,421 --> 00:36:04,379 We were so sorry to hear about you 861 00:36:04,466 --> 00:36:06,425 losing your job like that. 862 00:36:06,512 --> 00:36:08,818 But don'’t worry about it, honey. 863 00:36:08,905 --> 00:36:10,472 I'’m sure you'’re gonna land on your feet. 864 00:36:12,257 --> 00:36:13,997 - Didja hear that, Myron? 865 00:36:17,262 --> 00:36:19,046 Could I see you outside, please? 866 00:36:19,133 --> 00:36:20,787 Excuse me, girls. 867 00:36:23,398 --> 00:36:24,921 What are you gonna do, Marilyn, 868 00:36:25,008 --> 00:36:26,358 hide out here forever? 869 00:36:26,445 --> 00:36:27,968 - I'’m an independent woman now. 870 00:36:28,055 --> 00:36:29,143 I'’ve got a job! 871 00:36:29,230 --> 00:36:30,623 She serious? 872 00:36:30,710 --> 00:36:32,190 Yeah, with me. 873 00:36:32,277 --> 00:36:34,192 Good! Now you can pay me back 874 00:36:34,279 --> 00:36:36,150 for that refugee kid you send money to every month. 875 00:36:36,237 --> 00:36:37,804 It'’s a scam, you know. 876 00:36:37,891 --> 00:36:40,372 - Don'’t you dare talk about Joaquin that way! 877 00:36:40,459 --> 00:36:42,417 Joaquin? Last year it was Ernesto. 878 00:36:42,504 --> 00:36:45,377 - Aw, jeez. - What are you looking at? 879 00:36:45,464 --> 00:36:48,467 - Okay, will you calm down, please, would you? 880 00:36:48,554 --> 00:36:51,034 You'’re upsetting the Pain Pals, and they'’re very litigious. 881 00:36:51,121 --> 00:36:52,645 I don'’t want to calm down. 882 00:36:52,732 --> 00:36:54,734 I want my wife to live where she'’s supposed to. 883 00:36:54,821 --> 00:36:57,127 That is a dream we all share, but obviously she'’s mad at you. 884 00:36:57,215 --> 00:36:58,216 - She said you-- - I know what she said. 885 00:36:58,303 --> 00:37:00,043 Well--Well, did you? 886 00:37:00,130 --> 00:37:02,916 Do you think any other woman besides your mother 887 00:37:03,003 --> 00:37:04,570 wants my salty prune bag? 888 00:37:04,657 --> 00:37:06,180 You want to see it? 889 00:37:06,267 --> 00:37:07,573 I'’ll prove to you how disgusting I am. 890 00:37:07,660 --> 00:37:09,618 I'’ll take a rain check, okay? 891 00:37:09,705 --> 00:37:10,924 Is that my extension cord? 892 00:37:11,011 --> 00:37:12,578 - No, it'’s mine. - You sure? 893 00:37:12,665 --> 00:37:14,275 Yeah, believe it or not, I own an extension cord. 894 00:37:14,362 --> 00:37:15,668 Yeah, but mine has the little green-- 895 00:37:15,755 --> 00:37:17,017 All right, would you focus? 896 00:37:17,104 --> 00:37:18,714 On what? 897 00:37:18,801 --> 00:37:20,150 On how she gets to make wild accusations? 898 00:37:20,238 --> 00:37:22,065 She has too much time on her hands. 899 00:37:22,152 --> 00:37:24,764 She does nothing but invent problems for herself. 900 00:37:24,851 --> 00:37:26,766 She reads too many spy novels. 901 00:37:26,853 --> 00:37:28,507 - It'’s better than watching Strategic Air Command 902 00:37:28,594 --> 00:37:30,160 all the time! 903 00:37:30,248 --> 00:37:31,901 Mom, just stay out of it, okay? 904 00:37:31,988 --> 00:37:33,773 Listen, if we'’re gonna get her to move home, 905 00:37:33,860 --> 00:37:35,122 you'’ve got to start talking to her like an adult. 906 00:37:35,209 --> 00:37:36,732 You know what? 907 00:37:36,819 --> 00:37:38,299 I think I'’m through talking for a while. 908 00:37:38,386 --> 00:37:40,127 You take over. See you around. 909 00:37:40,214 --> 00:37:41,389 Okay, hey, hey, Dad. 910 00:37:41,476 --> 00:37:42,956 Don'’t be stupid. - Bye-bye! 911 00:37:43,043 --> 00:37:45,088 She knows where to find me. 912 00:37:45,175 --> 00:37:48,309 You people, you'’re out of your minds. 913 00:37:48,396 --> 00:37:49,876 It'’s all in your head. You hear me? 914 00:37:49,963 --> 00:37:51,225 That'’s the spirit. 915 00:37:51,312 --> 00:37:52,835 Way to find a common ground. 916 00:38:03,977 --> 00:38:05,457 How'’s it going? 917 00:38:05,544 --> 00:38:08,155 None of these banks want to loan me anything 918 00:38:08,242 --> 00:38:09,548 '’cause of my credit. 919 00:38:09,635 --> 00:38:11,071 What about asking your dad? 920 00:38:11,158 --> 00:38:12,420 I mean, maybe he could 921 00:38:12,507 --> 00:38:14,204 co-sign for you or something. 922 00:38:14,292 --> 00:38:18,687 Yeah, my guess is that he would side with the banks. 923 00:38:18,774 --> 00:38:20,863 Do you think he'’s really cheating on her? 924 00:38:20,950 --> 00:38:23,257 Uh... 925 00:38:23,344 --> 00:38:27,130 No, I think my mom just needs chaos in her life to function. 926 00:38:27,217 --> 00:38:29,524 I don'’t even know what I'’d do 927 00:38:29,611 --> 00:38:31,918 if I found out you were doing something like that 928 00:38:32,005 --> 00:38:34,355 behind my back. 929 00:38:40,927 --> 00:38:43,669 In the bedroom, they come all the way off. 930 00:38:43,756 --> 00:38:46,149 Um... 931 00:38:46,236 --> 00:38:48,587 could I get two minutes to brush my teeth? 932 00:38:50,980 --> 00:38:52,199 Whoa! 933 00:38:53,287 --> 00:38:55,811 Okay, give me a winner. 934 00:38:55,898 --> 00:38:57,465 Too thin. 935 00:38:57,552 --> 00:38:59,119 Ooh, too big. 936 00:38:59,206 --> 00:39:00,555 Oh, jeez. Oh, yeah. 937 00:39:00,642 --> 00:39:02,252 This is so wrong. 938 00:39:02,340 --> 00:39:05,038 Okay, let'’s go quick. 939 00:39:05,125 --> 00:39:06,344 What'’s wrong? 940 00:39:06,431 --> 00:39:08,128 - Hmm? - What'’s wrong? 941 00:39:08,215 --> 00:39:09,782 - Nothing. I'’m fine. 942 00:39:09,869 --> 00:39:11,566 Ow! - Honey, you'’re pulling my hair. 943 00:39:11,653 --> 00:39:12,872 - I'’m sorry. 944 00:39:12,959 --> 00:39:14,134 Guys? 945 00:39:14,221 --> 00:39:16,136 Is there an extra pillow in there? 946 00:39:16,223 --> 00:39:17,572 Mine'’s really uncomfortable. 947 00:39:17,659 --> 00:39:19,008 Yeah? 948 00:39:19,095 --> 00:39:21,228 As uncomfortable as a motel room? 949 00:39:21,315 --> 00:39:22,925 Right on. 950 00:39:27,626 --> 00:39:29,018 - What?! 951 00:39:29,105 --> 00:39:30,324 Noah? 952 00:39:30,411 --> 00:39:31,847 Are you asleep in there? 953 00:39:31,934 --> 00:39:34,372 - Yes, I am asleep. - Okay, good, 954 00:39:34,459 --> 00:39:35,851 '’cause I don'’t want to bother you if you'’re asleep. 955 00:39:35,938 --> 00:39:37,592 I mean, if you'’re asleep, 956 00:39:37,679 --> 00:39:38,637 I really don'’t think we should talk. 957 00:39:38,724 --> 00:39:40,378 - Mom? - What? 958 00:39:40,465 --> 00:39:42,554 - Spit it out. - Did you set your alarm 959 00:39:42,641 --> 00:39:43,990 for work tomorrow? 960 00:39:44,077 --> 00:39:45,600 - Yes. - Good, okay. 961 00:39:45,687 --> 00:39:47,210 Well, I was just checking, 962 00:39:47,297 --> 00:39:49,082 because I don'’t have a clock in my room, 963 00:39:49,169 --> 00:39:51,606 and I'’m so excited about work, I can'’t sleep, 964 00:39:51,693 --> 00:39:55,480 and I took the wrong medication, so I'’m a little keyed up. 965 00:39:55,567 --> 00:39:57,482 Okay, I need you to go back into your room 966 00:39:57,569 --> 00:39:58,700 and not come out for the rest of the night. 967 00:39:58,787 --> 00:39:59,919 Can you do that for me? 968 00:40:00,006 --> 00:40:02,138 Oh, sure, natch, no problem. 969 00:40:02,225 --> 00:40:03,792 And--and don'’t you worry about a thing. 970 00:40:03,879 --> 00:40:05,620 I didn'’t hear you doing it. 971 00:40:11,365 --> 00:40:13,498 I just don'’t understand 972 00:40:13,585 --> 00:40:15,848 how you can let a few minor distractions ruin everything. 973 00:40:15,935 --> 00:40:17,937 See if you can tell me what word doesn'’t belong here. 974 00:40:18,024 --> 00:40:20,679 Son, Mom, boner. 975 00:40:20,766 --> 00:40:23,377 Whatever. Look, the fertility wizard says 976 00:40:23,464 --> 00:40:25,771 that for the next two nights, I'’m at the peak of my cycle, 977 00:40:25,858 --> 00:40:28,643 so we have to do something both nights, okay? 978 00:40:28,730 --> 00:40:30,515 It sounds so romantic. 979 00:40:31,646 --> 00:40:33,822 I have to be up early. 980 00:40:37,826 --> 00:40:40,438 - Spoony? - Grow up. 981 00:40:48,358 --> 00:40:49,272 Hey, hey, hey! 982 00:40:49,359 --> 00:40:52,014 Hey, stop, stop. 983 00:40:52,101 --> 00:40:54,321 - What'’s up? - What the hell are you doing? 984 00:40:54,408 --> 00:40:56,366 Oh, I'’m going to the supermarket, 985 00:40:56,454 --> 00:40:58,891 and I thought that I could get some soy milk for me, and-- 986 00:40:58,978 --> 00:41:00,501 Okay, it'’s00 in the morning. 987 00:41:00,588 --> 00:41:02,198 Okay, all right, you know. 988 00:41:02,285 --> 00:41:03,852 I'’m going to your father'’s house. 989 00:41:03,939 --> 00:41:05,201 You'’re gonna spy on him? 990 00:41:05,288 --> 00:41:06,725 No, I'’m not gonna spy on him. 991 00:41:06,812 --> 00:41:08,204 I'’m just going to discreetly monitor 992 00:41:08,291 --> 00:41:09,728 some of his activities, that'’s all. 993 00:41:09,815 --> 00:41:11,164 See, this is what I'’m talking about. 994 00:41:11,251 --> 00:41:12,426 You'’re always stirring things up. 995 00:41:12,513 --> 00:41:13,775 Just get out of the car, Lansbury. 996 00:41:13,862 --> 00:41:15,516 You know what? 997 00:41:15,603 --> 00:41:17,213 You can ignore what'’s going on if you want to, 998 00:41:17,300 --> 00:41:18,693 but I need to do this. 999 00:41:18,780 --> 00:41:21,348 So you can either come with me, or-- 1000 00:41:25,395 --> 00:41:28,268 You rolled the window up. Is this not obvious to you? 1001 00:41:28,355 --> 00:41:29,661 What is it, dear? 1002 00:41:29,748 --> 00:41:31,184 Why don'’t you get in the trunk, 1003 00:41:31,271 --> 00:41:32,141 and let'’s have this conversation? 1004 00:41:32,228 --> 00:41:33,665 Say that again. 1005 00:41:33,752 --> 00:41:35,928 - I mean, what are you doing? - Get in. 1006 00:41:38,234 --> 00:41:39,975 See? There'’s nothing going on. 1007 00:41:40,062 --> 00:41:41,237 We'’ve only been here for five minutes. 1008 00:41:41,324 --> 00:41:43,022 Be patient. 1009 00:41:43,109 --> 00:41:44,763 You know, you could get a better look from inside. 1010 00:41:44,850 --> 00:41:46,112 Maybe you should move back in 1011 00:41:46,199 --> 00:41:48,201 and call me with a full report. 1012 00:41:48,288 --> 00:41:50,029 I mean, do you really think Dad'’s got broads inside 1013 00:41:50,116 --> 00:41:51,421 with Grandma Helen home? 1014 00:41:51,509 --> 00:41:52,858 Well, let me tell you something. 1015 00:41:52,945 --> 00:41:54,468 Helen is no fan of mine. 1016 00:41:54,555 --> 00:41:56,078 Maybe she'’s covering for him, 1017 00:41:56,165 --> 00:41:57,863 and maybe she'’s being paid for her silence. 1018 00:41:57,950 --> 00:41:59,995 I really don'’t know. 1019 00:42:00,082 --> 00:42:02,215 Pay--who'’s paying her? 1020 00:42:02,302 --> 00:42:04,522 0134, nothing to report. 1021 00:42:07,002 --> 00:42:08,961 Do you want some Corn Nuts? 1022 00:42:09,048 --> 00:42:11,093 - No, thank you. - I got plenty. 1023 00:42:11,180 --> 00:42:13,052 - Thanks anyway. - They'’re high in fiber. 1024 00:42:13,139 --> 00:42:14,793 - I'’d love some. - Great. 1025 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,359 You know what I'’ve got? 1026 00:42:16,446 --> 00:42:18,971 I'’ve got Ranch, Jalapeño, and Barbecue. 1027 00:42:19,058 --> 00:42:20,233 Just surprise me. 1028 00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,409 Okay, one Ranch coming up. 1029 00:42:22,496 --> 00:42:23,889 - Oh, what is it? 1030 00:42:23,976 --> 00:42:24,890 - Oh, my-- 1031 00:42:24,977 --> 00:42:25,891 Oh, wait a minute. 1032 00:42:25,978 --> 00:42:27,806 Oh, wait a minute. 1033 00:42:27,893 --> 00:42:30,722 Dad'’s got a sex slave in a little wheelchair inside. 1034 00:42:30,809 --> 00:42:32,158 It'’s just Satan. 1035 00:42:32,245 --> 00:42:34,160 Your father would never admit it, 1036 00:42:34,247 --> 00:42:36,205 but she runs his life. 1037 00:42:36,292 --> 00:42:37,642 Well, sometimes it'’s easier 1038 00:42:37,729 --> 00:42:39,382 to take the path of least resistance. 1039 00:42:39,469 --> 00:42:41,123 Trust me on that one. 1040 00:42:41,210 --> 00:42:45,563 0135, mother-in-law confirmed inside residence. 1041 00:42:45,650 --> 00:42:47,565 - What are you laughing at? 1042 00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:50,350 There'’s some really impressive lingo there, Condor. 1043 00:42:50,437 --> 00:42:52,004 You know, you--you want to make fun of me. 1044 00:42:52,091 --> 00:42:53,919 Yeah. 1045 00:42:54,006 --> 00:42:56,312 But I'’ve read a lot about how the CIA operates, 1046 00:42:56,399 --> 00:42:57,966 and I know how they do business 1047 00:42:58,053 --> 00:42:59,925 at the highest level of government. 1048 00:43:00,012 --> 00:43:03,450 In fact, if I got into a situation at the Pentagon-- 1049 00:43:03,537 --> 00:43:04,407 Do you hear what you'’re saying? 1050 00:43:04,494 --> 00:43:05,452 The Pentagon? 1051 00:43:05,539 --> 00:43:06,888 Yes, I'’m certain, 1052 00:43:06,975 --> 00:43:08,890 based on everything I'’ve read, 1053 00:43:08,977 --> 00:43:12,328 that I could find my way around and get myself out of a jam. 1054 00:43:12,415 --> 00:43:13,721 I'’d need a Glock, though. 1055 00:43:13,808 --> 00:43:15,114 You know, I am so happy 1056 00:43:15,201 --> 00:43:17,116 that I was recruited for this mission. 1057 00:43:17,203 --> 00:43:18,770 I think the top-level brass is gonna be really impressed 1058 00:43:18,857 --> 00:43:19,945 with our results. 1059 00:43:20,032 --> 00:43:21,468 You think that I enjoy this? 1060 00:43:21,555 --> 00:43:22,774 Is that what you really think, 1061 00:43:22,861 --> 00:43:25,603 that I like spying on my husband? 1062 00:43:27,474 --> 00:43:30,520 I'’ve known Gene since I was 16 years old. 1063 00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:34,829 He is my whole entire life, and if-- 1064 00:43:37,571 --> 00:43:39,834 And if I s-- 1065 00:43:39,921 --> 00:43:41,270 stop-- Never mind. 1066 00:43:41,357 --> 00:43:44,012 You know what? Let'’s just go. 1067 00:43:44,099 --> 00:43:47,712 Surveillance ended, 0136. 1068 00:43:55,284 --> 00:43:56,982 Rise and shine, twinkle toes. 1069 00:43:57,069 --> 00:44:00,028 Today is the first day of the rest of your life. 1070 00:44:00,115 --> 00:44:01,334 Oh! Whoa. 1071 00:44:14,739 --> 00:44:15,740 Ohh! 1072 00:44:18,003 --> 00:44:19,091 - I don'’t remember this being here. 1073 00:44:19,178 --> 00:44:20,788 Bye-bye, Sammy Higgins. 1074 00:44:20,875 --> 00:44:22,007 Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. 1075 00:44:22,094 --> 00:44:23,443 Bye, Myron. - Bye. 1076 00:44:23,530 --> 00:44:24,662 This also comes in a red oak. 1077 00:44:26,576 --> 00:44:27,490 Whoo! 1078 00:44:27,577 --> 00:44:29,362 Excuse me, sir. 1079 00:44:29,449 --> 00:44:30,929 Oh, wait. 1080 00:44:31,016 --> 00:44:32,365 Ooh, ooh! 1081 00:44:32,452 --> 00:44:34,193 Isn'’t this fun? 1082 00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:35,411 Okay, okay, okay. 1083 00:44:43,898 --> 00:44:46,205 Now, I'’m using coffee, but you could use motor oil. 1084 00:44:46,292 --> 00:44:48,642 Mom, hit it. 1085 00:44:48,729 --> 00:44:50,296 Come on down here, get a look at this. 1086 00:44:50,383 --> 00:44:52,428 See that the stains are disappearing like-- 1087 00:44:52,515 --> 00:44:54,430 - Oh! - Mom, Mom, Mom! 1088 00:44:57,390 --> 00:44:59,566 This one. This one matches. 1089 00:45:00,785 --> 00:45:03,135 Fine, fine. 1090 00:45:36,385 --> 00:45:37,430 Hey, guys. 1091 00:45:38,692 --> 00:45:40,215 What are you doing here? 1092 00:45:40,302 --> 00:45:42,565 I thought I'’d stop by and say hi. 1093 00:45:42,652 --> 00:45:44,698 There are times when you'’re given certain responsibilities. 1094 00:45:44,785 --> 00:45:46,613 You can'’t ignore them. 1095 00:45:46,700 --> 00:45:49,834 Well, don'’t you have any responsibilities to hope-- 1096 00:45:49,921 --> 00:45:51,618 - Is your mother 1097 00:45:51,705 --> 00:45:53,402 still being your mother? 1098 00:45:53,489 --> 00:45:55,709 She'’s trying to figure some things out, I guess. 1099 00:45:55,796 --> 00:45:57,798 Ha! 1100 00:45:57,885 --> 00:45:59,844 Would you like me to get you a glass of water, Grandma? 1101 00:46:02,411 --> 00:46:05,632 - What are you watching? - Strategic Air Command. 1102 00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:07,155 - All right, you don'’t have to tell me. 1103 00:46:07,242 --> 00:46:09,897 - Honey, I just did tell you. 1104 00:46:09,984 --> 00:46:12,204 Why are you fast-forwarding? 1105 00:46:12,291 --> 00:46:14,293 I skip all the scenes with June Allyson. 1106 00:46:14,380 --> 00:46:16,774 She does nothing but bitch. 1107 00:46:16,861 --> 00:46:19,864 That'’s June Allyson for you. 1108 00:46:19,951 --> 00:46:23,215 So look, there was another reason I stopped by, Dad. 1109 00:46:23,302 --> 00:46:25,043 Really, what'’s that? 1110 00:46:25,130 --> 00:46:26,522 Well, I'’ve decided to take a crack 1111 00:46:26,609 --> 00:46:28,611 at running my own physical therapy practice. 1112 00:46:28,698 --> 00:46:30,962 - Uh-huh. - And I was wondering, 1113 00:46:31,049 --> 00:46:32,877 since the bank'’s not really in a position 1114 00:46:32,964 --> 00:46:34,661 to loan me anything right now, 1115 00:46:34,748 --> 00:46:36,750 if you'’d like to invest some startup money 1116 00:46:36,837 --> 00:46:39,013 or co-sign for a small business loan. 1117 00:46:39,100 --> 00:46:41,320 We could be like partners. 1118 00:46:41,407 --> 00:46:44,410 What do you say, partner? 1119 00:46:44,497 --> 00:46:47,587 There are lots of things I would do for you, son, 1120 00:46:47,674 --> 00:46:50,633 but investing money in you isn'’t one of them. 1121 00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:53,462 I'’ve already got a lifelong credit liability 1122 00:46:53,549 --> 00:46:55,073 with your mother. 1123 00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:58,424 I'’m not ready to take on her protegé. 1124 00:46:58,511 --> 00:47:00,078 Being an Air Force wife-- 1125 00:47:00,165 --> 00:47:01,862 Maybe Grandma could loan me some-- 1126 00:47:01,949 --> 00:47:03,821 Oh, that'’s right. 1127 00:47:03,908 --> 00:47:06,562 That'’s where you get your famous generosity from. 1128 00:47:06,649 --> 00:47:10,523 I make practical decisions, not popular ones. 1129 00:47:10,610 --> 00:47:13,700 Someday, when you have a son, you'’ll understand why. 1130 00:47:14,919 --> 00:47:16,572 Thank you for the pearl. 1131 00:47:21,708 --> 00:47:25,190 Okay, so Max, how would Escobar 1132 00:47:25,277 --> 00:47:28,933 capture Lieutenant Dawson in the Mekong Delta? 1133 00:47:29,020 --> 00:47:30,499 Heavily armed choppers. 1134 00:47:30,586 --> 00:47:32,762 - Ohh. - That'’s been done. 1135 00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:34,416 Yeah, sounds tired to me. 1136 00:47:34,503 --> 00:47:36,288 Giant pest strip. 1137 00:47:36,375 --> 00:47:38,290 That'’s unrealistic. 1138 00:47:38,377 --> 00:47:40,031 Okay, well, wait a minute. So what if-- 1139 00:47:40,118 --> 00:47:43,599 How about if Escobar orders a napalm strike diversion? 1140 00:47:43,686 --> 00:47:46,602 And then what if shadow ops ambushed Dawson, 1141 00:47:46,689 --> 00:47:50,955 okay, while he'’s hatching eggs in the rice paddy? 1142 00:47:51,042 --> 00:47:53,827 - Breakthrough, breakthrough. - All right! 1143 00:47:53,914 --> 00:47:56,830 - We got it. - Pass the astronaut ice cream. 1144 00:48:03,358 --> 00:48:05,621 All right. 1145 00:48:05,708 --> 00:48:08,581 See you in a few, okay? - Okay. Good luck. 1146 00:48:08,668 --> 00:48:10,452 Sorry, honey. Shh. - Good luck. 1147 00:48:19,331 --> 00:48:20,767 Hi. 1148 00:48:20,854 --> 00:48:22,725 Oh. 1149 00:48:26,686 --> 00:48:29,297 - Mm! Mm. - Mmm... 1150 00:48:40,743 --> 00:48:42,963 - Honey. - Mm-hmm? 1151 00:48:43,050 --> 00:48:44,791 What'’s wrong? 1152 00:48:44,878 --> 00:48:47,533 I talked to my dad, and he'’s not gonna help me. 1153 00:48:50,275 --> 00:48:52,190 Well, that'’s pretty bad news, then. 1154 00:48:52,277 --> 00:48:54,496 Yeah, it'’s just bad timing. 1155 00:48:55,715 --> 00:48:57,499 I get it. 1156 00:48:57,586 --> 00:48:59,545 If my wife wanted to make a baby, and I didn'’t, 1157 00:48:59,632 --> 00:49:00,938 I'’d be pretty uninterested in sex too. 1158 00:49:01,025 --> 00:49:02,809 What?! 1159 00:49:02,896 --> 00:49:04,680 That is ridiculous. 1160 00:49:04,767 --> 00:49:06,552 Well, news to me, 1161 00:49:06,639 --> 00:49:08,858 because every time we try and do something lately, 1162 00:49:08,946 --> 00:49:10,991 you have an excuse. 1163 00:49:11,078 --> 00:49:12,558 Oh, like getting fired, 1164 00:49:12,645 --> 00:49:14,429 watching my parents'’ marriage collapse, 1165 00:49:14,516 --> 00:49:17,041 or realizing I'’m gonna work at a themed carpet store 1166 00:49:17,128 --> 00:49:19,260 for the rest of my life, those kind of excuses? 1167 00:49:19,347 --> 00:49:21,175 Well, you know what? I'’m feeling it. 1168 00:49:21,262 --> 00:49:22,568 Let'’s do this, huh? 1169 00:49:22,655 --> 00:49:24,048 I'’m gonna go to town on you. 1170 00:49:24,135 --> 00:49:25,788 I know you. 1171 00:49:25,875 --> 00:49:27,529 I know when you don'’t want to do something. 1172 00:49:27,616 --> 00:49:30,097 I have been very supportive throughout all of this. 1173 00:49:30,184 --> 00:49:31,707 Oh, you'’ve been so supportive. 1174 00:49:31,794 --> 00:49:33,927 Noah, the only pregnancy question you'’ve asked me 1175 00:49:34,014 --> 00:49:36,756 in, like, six months is, how big are my boobs gonna get? 1176 00:49:36,843 --> 00:49:40,281 Yeah, because I'’m worried about your back. 1177 00:49:40,368 --> 00:49:41,630 I don'’t want you to strain it. 1178 00:49:41,717 --> 00:49:43,371 I'’m sorry if I care about you. 1179 00:49:43,458 --> 00:49:45,721 You are a piece of work. 1180 00:49:45,808 --> 00:49:48,289 - God damn it! 1181 00:49:51,162 --> 00:49:53,947 Oh, oh, oh, Mom! Mom, get out of the car. 1182 00:49:54,034 --> 00:49:56,689 What are you doing? Your father'’s at the bowling alley. 1183 00:49:56,776 --> 00:49:59,257 I'’m supposed to be in that parking lot. 1184 00:49:59,344 --> 00:50:00,780 Let go of me. 1185 00:50:00,867 --> 00:50:02,216 What do you-- this is outrageous! 1186 00:50:02,303 --> 00:50:03,652 - Okay, listen. - I am your mother! 1187 00:50:03,739 --> 00:50:05,872 I'’m not some sort of a rag doll. 1188 00:50:05,959 --> 00:50:07,308 You think you can push me around? 1189 00:50:07,395 --> 00:50:09,441 I have rights! - Get in your bedroom. 1190 00:50:09,528 --> 00:50:10,833 She'’s going to her Pain Pals meeting! 1191 00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:11,921 Okay, listen to me. 1192 00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:13,575 My house, my rules. 1193 00:50:13,662 --> 00:50:15,534 Rule number one, stop stealing my car. 1194 00:50:15,621 --> 00:50:18,058 What are you so afraid of, that I'’m right? 1195 00:50:18,145 --> 00:50:19,799 Listen to me and listen well, Houdini, 1196 00:50:19,886 --> 00:50:21,583 because this is my last warning to you. 1197 00:50:21,670 --> 00:50:23,368 You even think about leaving this house tonight, 1198 00:50:23,455 --> 00:50:24,804 and I am driving you straight to a homeless shelter. 1199 00:50:24,891 --> 00:50:27,328 Oh, yeah, I scare'’. 1200 00:50:29,896 --> 00:50:31,245 You know, I wish just once, 1201 00:50:31,332 --> 00:50:33,943 you could see yourself the way I do. 1202 00:51:00,970 --> 00:51:04,061 Um, I was thinking about what happened last night, 1203 00:51:04,148 --> 00:51:06,019 and I--and if I upset you, 1204 00:51:06,106 --> 00:51:09,370 I just want to apologize for my actions. 1205 00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:17,422 You'’re supposed to say you accept. 1206 00:51:17,509 --> 00:51:19,685 Fine, I accept. 1207 00:51:19,772 --> 00:51:21,339 Good! 1208 00:51:21,426 --> 00:51:24,385 Now, let'’s go sell some carpet, huh? 1209 00:51:24,472 --> 00:51:25,604 All right. 1210 00:51:30,783 --> 00:51:32,393 Yeah, no, no, no. 1211 00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:34,352 I know, sir. I know what you'’re saying. 1212 00:51:34,439 --> 00:51:36,136 And I want to do that, okay. 1213 00:51:36,223 --> 00:51:38,356 Just, um-- where did you go? 1214 00:51:38,443 --> 00:51:40,793 - Hey, ace, where'’s your vest? - Your wife'’s hamper? 1215 00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:42,490 - Excuse me? - The drycleaner. 1216 00:51:42,577 --> 00:51:44,405 Oh, well, if I catch you without it again, 1217 00:51:44,492 --> 00:51:46,538 it'’s a write-up, you understand? - Okay. 1218 00:51:46,625 --> 00:51:48,148 Now, what'’s going on with the Brisbane order? 1219 00:51:48,235 --> 00:51:49,584 I don'’t know; my mom'’s handling it. 1220 00:51:51,499 --> 00:51:53,022 What'’d I do with the-- where'’s your paper? 1221 00:51:53,110 --> 00:51:54,198 I'’m next. 1222 00:51:54,285 --> 00:51:55,808 Oh, God. 1223 00:51:55,895 --> 00:51:57,723 I really thought she'’d catch on quicker. 1224 00:51:57,810 --> 00:52:00,639 She'’s a slow starter, Donnie. She'’s 60. 1225 00:52:00,726 --> 00:52:02,293 She'’s fired, that'’s what she is. 1226 00:52:02,380 --> 00:52:04,947 What? She hasn'’t even worked here a full week. 1227 00:52:05,034 --> 00:52:07,254 She'’s the worst Caucasian employee we'’ve ever had, 1228 00:52:07,341 --> 00:52:08,734 and she'’s costing me money, okay? 1229 00:52:08,821 --> 00:52:10,431 So I'’m canning her ass. 1230 00:52:10,518 --> 00:52:12,520 She'’s the only one in here wearing a vest. 1231 00:52:12,607 --> 00:52:15,175 You'’re gonna fire your one employee wearing the vest? 1232 00:52:15,262 --> 00:52:17,046 What am I running, a telethon here? 1233 00:52:17,134 --> 00:52:18,613 The quick ones make it, and the the slow ones don'’t. 1234 00:52:18,700 --> 00:52:20,615 Darwin said that, and I'’m sticking to it. 1235 00:52:20,702 --> 00:52:23,401 Hi, there. 1236 00:52:23,488 --> 00:52:26,708 Look, Donnie, she loves this-- excuse me. 1237 00:52:26,795 --> 00:52:29,363 Look, okay, it'’s all she'’s got. 1238 00:52:29,450 --> 00:52:30,930 Believe me when I tell you, if you fire her, 1239 00:52:31,017 --> 00:52:32,366 it'’s gonna destroy her. 1240 00:52:32,453 --> 00:52:33,846 You can'’t do it. 1241 00:52:33,933 --> 00:52:35,543 Actually, you'’re her direct supervisor. 1242 00:52:35,630 --> 00:52:37,197 This falls under your domain. 1243 00:52:37,284 --> 00:52:40,069 That'’s a joke? That'’s a sick joke? 1244 00:52:40,157 --> 00:52:41,636 No, I don'’t joke 1245 00:52:41,723 --> 00:52:43,072 about terminating someone'’s livelihood. 1246 00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:44,726 That I take very seriously. 1247 00:52:44,813 --> 00:52:46,380 Okay, you know what I'’m serious about? 1248 00:52:46,467 --> 00:52:48,208 Not firing my mom. I'’m not gonna do that. 1249 00:52:48,295 --> 00:52:51,168 Look, maybe I'’m not making myself clear. 1250 00:52:51,255 --> 00:52:54,823 Either you do this for me, or you'’re gone. 1251 00:52:54,910 --> 00:52:57,739 Now, you need this job, right? 1252 00:52:57,826 --> 00:52:59,437 Do me proud. 1253 00:53:04,224 --> 00:53:06,183 This is the Carpet Bazaar. 1254 00:53:13,755 --> 00:53:15,192 - Hey. - Hi, honey. 1255 00:53:15,279 --> 00:53:16,497 Donnie said you wanted to talk to me? 1256 00:53:16,584 --> 00:53:18,325 Yeah, you want to have a seat? 1257 00:53:18,412 --> 00:53:20,240 You know, I was just reading the employees'’ manual. 1258 00:53:20,327 --> 00:53:22,460 It said that we get a week'’s vacation 1259 00:53:22,547 --> 00:53:25,463 and five sick days after 12 months of service. 1260 00:53:25,550 --> 00:53:27,204 Huh. 1261 00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:29,728 I'’ve never even had benefits before. 1262 00:53:29,815 --> 00:53:32,165 Um, yeah. 1263 00:53:32,252 --> 00:53:35,429 So, Mom, I was talking to Donnie, 1264 00:53:35,516 --> 00:53:38,258 and he said he'’s been watching you work over the last few days, 1265 00:53:38,345 --> 00:53:41,435 and he thinks your skills might be put to better use 1266 00:53:41,522 --> 00:53:42,610 in another area. 1267 00:53:42,697 --> 00:53:43,916 Already? 1268 00:53:44,003 --> 00:53:46,005 You mean like greeter? 1269 00:53:46,092 --> 00:53:47,311 Well, maybe. 1270 00:53:47,398 --> 00:53:49,226 I think you'’d be a great greeter. 1271 00:53:49,313 --> 00:53:52,098 But I don'’t think that'’s what he was talking about. 1272 00:53:52,185 --> 00:53:53,665 No? 1273 00:53:53,752 --> 00:53:55,536 Oh, no, no, he doesn'’t really think 1274 00:53:55,623 --> 00:53:57,669 I'’m ready for team leader yet, does he? 1275 00:53:57,756 --> 00:54:01,586 No, I think he feels it'’d be best 1276 00:54:01,673 --> 00:54:03,544 if you worked at home from now on. 1277 00:54:03,631 --> 00:54:05,459 I don'’t understand how I'’m gonna do that 1278 00:54:05,546 --> 00:54:09,158 when all the carpet and the customers are here. 1279 00:54:09,246 --> 00:54:11,987 I don'’t think he means working with the carpet 1280 00:54:12,074 --> 00:54:13,772 and customers anymore. 1281 00:54:13,859 --> 00:54:15,643 Well, I don'’t understand. What would I be doing? 1282 00:54:15,730 --> 00:54:17,645 I mean-- - You'’d be-- 1283 00:54:17,732 --> 00:54:19,517 Oh, I know, I would be the telemarketer. 1284 00:54:19,604 --> 00:54:21,170 You'’d be fired, Mom. 1285 00:54:23,042 --> 00:54:24,609 You'’d be fired. 1286 00:54:29,135 --> 00:54:31,877 Okay, I'’d be fired. 1287 00:54:31,964 --> 00:54:33,792 I'’m sorry. 1288 00:54:33,879 --> 00:54:36,795 I-I tried to-- I told him how much-- 1289 00:54:41,713 --> 00:54:45,499 Right. Well, anyway. 1290 00:54:45,586 --> 00:54:48,937 I-I guess I won'’t be needing this anymore, huh? 1291 00:54:50,765 --> 00:54:51,810 Here. 1292 00:54:56,293 --> 00:54:58,207 I-I am fine, sweetie. 1293 00:54:58,295 --> 00:54:59,861 It'’s--I'’m perfectly fine. 1294 00:55:02,081 --> 00:55:04,649 It'’s not like it'’s the end of the whole wide, you know, 1295 00:55:04,736 --> 00:55:05,954 world or anything. 1296 00:55:06,041 --> 00:55:07,608 I mean, obviously, 1297 00:55:07,695 --> 00:55:09,218 someday you and I are gonna look back on this, 1298 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:11,220 and we'’re just gonna laugh, right? 1299 00:55:11,308 --> 00:55:13,048 We'’re just gonna laugh, right? 1300 00:55:21,753 --> 00:55:24,190 How'’d it go? 1301 00:55:24,277 --> 00:55:27,280 Pop quiz: How many square feet in this? 1302 00:55:29,630 --> 00:55:31,240 You'’re fired. You hear me? 1303 00:55:31,328 --> 00:55:33,895 The third time will not be the charm for you. 1304 00:55:33,982 --> 00:55:35,810 Ha! Laugh'’s on you, Cooper. 1305 00:55:35,897 --> 00:55:37,290 That'’s stain-resistant. 1306 00:55:38,378 --> 00:55:40,162 Mom, Mom, wait a minute. 1307 00:55:40,249 --> 00:55:42,991 - Bus! - Mom, wait! 1308 00:55:43,078 --> 00:55:44,297 Mom. 1309 00:55:44,384 --> 00:55:45,994 Mom. 1310 00:55:55,177 --> 00:55:56,831 Gonna need your keys back, chappy. 1311 00:55:59,007 --> 00:56:00,748 - I'’m talking to you, ace. Oh, yeah?! 1312 00:56:23,597 --> 00:56:26,165 Hey. 1313 00:56:26,252 --> 00:56:28,297 So what are you in for? 1314 00:56:28,385 --> 00:56:34,042 Uh, I beat my boss senseless with a foam scepter. 1315 00:56:42,660 --> 00:56:44,313 I'’d prefer you sat over there. 1316 00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:45,576 Sure. 1317 00:56:47,491 --> 00:56:49,014 You know how much carpet I had to buy 1318 00:56:49,101 --> 00:56:50,711 to talk him out of pressing charges? 1319 00:56:50,798 --> 00:56:52,104 350 feet. 1320 00:56:52,191 --> 00:56:53,322 You have any idea how much carpet that is? 1321 00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:55,673 467 square yards. 1322 00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:57,936 That'’s on top of bail. - If you worked harder 1323 00:56:58,023 --> 00:56:59,720 on your marriage, maybe you wouldn'’t have to be 1324 00:56:59,807 --> 00:57:01,156 so involved in my life. 1325 00:57:01,243 --> 00:57:02,984 How'’s that his responsibility? 1326 00:57:03,071 --> 00:57:04,725 He'’s not the one who left. 1327 00:57:04,812 --> 00:57:06,727 - You don'’t know what you'’re talking about. 1328 00:57:06,814 --> 00:57:09,121 No one knows how hard I'’ve worked on this marriage. 1329 00:57:09,208 --> 00:57:11,384 Well, then why am I in the middle mediating it? 1330 00:57:11,471 --> 00:57:13,342 In case you hadn'’t noticed, 1331 00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:15,388 I'’m the one who'’s been trying to sit down and talk. 1332 00:57:15,475 --> 00:57:17,695 How could he? He'’s too busy landing himself in jail. 1333 00:57:17,782 --> 00:57:19,740 Okay, don'’t you have some kind of a baking magazine 1334 00:57:19,827 --> 00:57:22,439 or some knitting to do back there? 1335 00:57:22,526 --> 00:57:24,745 Look, I know what you'’re going through. 1336 00:57:24,832 --> 00:57:28,009 But she'’s gotta come home. You picked her, not me. 1337 00:57:28,096 --> 00:57:31,448 Noah, your mom and I have been at this for a long time. 1338 00:57:31,535 --> 00:57:33,232 For a lot of years, 1339 00:57:33,319 --> 00:57:35,321 I used to worry she was gonna walk out on me, 1340 00:57:35,408 --> 00:57:37,541 not because I was afraid to be alone, 1341 00:57:37,628 --> 00:57:40,674 but because I was afraid I'’d find out I liked it. 1342 00:57:40,761 --> 00:57:42,720 And guess what-- I like living alone. 1343 00:57:42,807 --> 00:57:45,026 There'’s no complaining, no fights, 1344 00:57:45,113 --> 00:57:46,985 no dogs. 1345 00:57:47,072 --> 00:57:49,378 I can just be me. 1346 00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:51,555 Don'’t get me wrong. I love your mother. 1347 00:57:51,642 --> 00:57:54,166 She was the sweetheart of my youth. 1348 00:57:54,253 --> 00:57:56,168 I'’ll always love her. 1349 00:57:56,255 --> 00:57:58,692 I'’m just not sure what'’s supposed to happen 1350 00:57:58,779 --> 00:58:01,216 if I don'’t like her anymore. 1351 00:58:12,401 --> 00:58:13,620 Hi, there. 1352 00:58:24,849 --> 00:58:26,894 Myron, where'’d my mom go? 1353 00:58:26,981 --> 00:58:29,506 Monkey sidekick. 1354 00:58:29,593 --> 00:58:31,682 She told me not to tell you. 1355 00:58:31,769 --> 00:58:33,161 Okay, where'’d she go? 1356 00:58:33,248 --> 00:58:35,207 Ah! Downtowner Inn. 1357 00:59:11,722 --> 00:59:13,767 Come here often? 1358 00:59:13,854 --> 00:59:17,684 Excuse me, I'’m not allowed to talk to strangers. 1359 00:59:17,771 --> 00:59:19,294 I'’m sorry. 1360 00:59:19,381 --> 00:59:20,774 - Yeah, well. - I'’m really sorry. 1361 00:59:20,861 --> 00:59:22,341 It wasn'’t my choice. 1362 00:59:22,428 --> 00:59:23,342 I just thought maybe it'’d be easier 1363 00:59:23,429 --> 00:59:24,299 if it was coming from me. 1364 00:59:24,386 --> 00:59:25,823 All I have to say is, 1365 00:59:25,910 --> 00:59:27,302 you have a real delicate touch, okay? 1366 00:59:27,389 --> 00:59:29,217 I really mean it. 1367 00:59:29,304 --> 00:59:30,697 If it makes you feel any better, 1368 00:59:30,784 --> 00:59:31,872 I got fired too. 1369 00:59:31,959 --> 00:59:33,961 You did? 1370 00:59:34,048 --> 00:59:35,746 Good. 1371 00:59:35,833 --> 00:59:38,618 Tony, darling, two dirties, pronto-rooni. 1372 00:59:38,705 --> 00:59:40,011 We'’re good, Tony. 1373 00:59:40,098 --> 00:59:41,621 Listen, let'’s grab your things 1374 00:59:41,708 --> 00:59:43,754 and--and just go home, all right? 1375 00:59:45,494 --> 00:59:47,148 Was I a good mom? 1376 00:59:47,235 --> 00:59:48,802 Of course you were a good mom. 1377 00:59:48,889 --> 00:59:49,934 Let'’s just go, all right? 1378 00:59:50,021 --> 00:59:51,196 Yeah, sure, let'’s just go. 1379 00:59:51,283 --> 00:59:53,198 Let'’s just run away 1380 00:59:53,285 --> 00:59:55,809 and forget how little Marilyn has accomplished with her life. 1381 00:59:55,896 --> 00:59:57,681 Come on, you'’ve accomplished a lot. 1382 00:59:57,768 --> 00:59:59,552 Yeah, like what? 1383 00:59:59,639 --> 01:00:01,162 What have I accomplished besides having you, huh? 1384 01:00:01,249 --> 01:00:04,513 All kinds of--you know. 1385 01:00:04,601 --> 01:00:05,993 Right. 1386 01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:07,473 Nothing. 1387 01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:08,561 Not true. 1388 01:00:08,648 --> 01:00:10,302 Dutiful wife, 1389 01:00:10,389 --> 01:00:11,303 housecleaner, 1390 01:00:11,390 --> 01:00:12,652 zero! 1391 01:00:12,739 --> 01:00:14,349 You did a lot of things. 1392 01:00:14,436 --> 01:00:17,004 You were very active and-- 1393 01:00:17,091 --> 01:00:18,527 You saved my rat Herman. 1394 01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:20,617 Remember? 1395 01:00:20,704 --> 01:00:22,183 The one with the skin disease? 1396 01:00:22,270 --> 01:00:24,359 Yeah, you could'’ve put him to sleep, 1397 01:00:24,446 --> 01:00:25,578 but instead you scrubbed him every day 1398 01:00:25,665 --> 01:00:27,101 with that medicated shampoo. 1399 01:00:27,188 --> 01:00:28,494 You saved his life. That'’s, like, 1400 01:00:28,581 --> 01:00:31,018 my greatest childhood memory, Mom. 1401 01:00:31,105 --> 01:00:33,455 What? 1402 01:00:33,542 --> 01:00:34,892 His skin kept getting worse, 1403 01:00:34,979 --> 01:00:36,328 and he started having brain seizures, 1404 01:00:36,415 --> 01:00:37,982 so one night when you were asleep, 1405 01:00:38,069 --> 01:00:38,983 I put him in a coffee can, 1406 01:00:39,070 --> 01:00:40,462 stuck holes in the lid, 1407 01:00:40,549 --> 01:00:42,464 and stuck him in the washing machine. 1408 01:00:42,551 --> 01:00:44,249 The next day, I bought another rat 1409 01:00:44,336 --> 01:00:46,033 and put it in Herman'’s cage. 1410 01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:48,253 You drowned Herman? 1411 01:00:48,340 --> 01:00:51,735 I don'’t know what to say. It was suffering. 1412 01:00:51,822 --> 01:00:53,606 Your dad was away for the weekend. 1413 01:00:53,693 --> 01:00:55,521 I didn'’t know what to do. 1414 01:00:55,608 --> 01:00:57,218 Well, that'’s the worst thing I'’ve ever heard. 1415 01:00:57,305 --> 01:01:00,439 Who pokes a hole in a coffee can and drowns a rat? 1416 01:01:00,526 --> 01:01:02,876 That was your best idea? 1417 01:01:02,963 --> 01:01:04,530 Didn'’t you have a friend you could have called? 1418 01:01:04,617 --> 01:01:06,184 Well, guess what. 1419 01:01:06,271 --> 01:01:08,447 P.S., I did the best that I could with my life. 1420 01:01:08,534 --> 01:01:10,492 Is there anything else I need to know about, 1421 01:01:10,579 --> 01:01:12,146 any other lies? 1422 01:01:12,233 --> 01:01:14,018 You wet your bed until you were six. 1423 01:01:14,105 --> 01:01:15,454 The noise you heard in the closet at night 1424 01:01:15,541 --> 01:01:16,716 really was a ghost. 1425 01:01:16,803 --> 01:01:18,152 And they held you back two times 1426 01:01:18,239 --> 01:01:19,240 in first grade. 1427 01:01:19,327 --> 01:01:20,851 I'’m 31? 1428 01:01:23,505 --> 01:01:25,029 Thirty-two. 1429 01:01:26,465 --> 01:01:27,988 Oh, my God. 1430 01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:34,516 Thank you. Thank you. 1431 01:01:34,603 --> 01:01:36,431 - Thank you. - Thank you, Verlon. 1432 01:01:36,518 --> 01:01:40,087 That was as lovely as it was haunt-ing. 1433 01:01:40,174 --> 01:01:43,351 Next up, please put your hands together for Marilyn Cooper. 1434 01:01:43,438 --> 01:01:45,179 - Marilyn? - Just go. 1435 01:01:45,266 --> 01:01:46,877 - Hold that thought. - Sing your song. 1436 01:01:46,964 --> 01:01:49,314 - Okay, dear. - I'’ll be over here aging. 1437 01:01:49,401 --> 01:01:51,142 - Oh, thank you. 1438 01:01:51,229 --> 01:01:53,187 You owe me three birthdays. 1439 01:01:53,274 --> 01:01:55,320 I'’d like to bring the room down for a minute 1440 01:01:55,407 --> 01:02:00,717 and dedicate this next song to my very special son Noah. 1441 01:02:02,283 --> 01:02:04,851 He fired me from the best job I ever had, 1442 01:02:04,938 --> 01:02:06,940 but I never accomplished much in my life, 1443 01:02:07,027 --> 01:02:08,550 so it really doesn'’t matter 1444 01:02:08,637 --> 01:02:10,422 if my husband fucked another woman 1445 01:02:10,509 --> 01:02:12,859 and I murdered a rat. 1446 01:02:12,946 --> 01:02:13,947 Hit it, Lou. 1447 01:02:31,965 --> 01:02:32,879 Okay, hold it. 1448 01:02:32,966 --> 01:02:34,446 Take me home. 1449 01:02:34,533 --> 01:02:36,404 I'’ve put up with him for 36 years. 1450 01:02:36,491 --> 01:02:39,277 Okay, just relax, would you? 1451 01:02:41,801 --> 01:02:44,630 Oh, no, no, no, Sammy Higgins, don'’t eat that. 1452 01:02:44,717 --> 01:02:46,501 - We'’re almost there. - Oh, my God. 1453 01:02:46,588 --> 01:02:48,634 Oh, no, no, this is not my room. 1454 01:02:48,721 --> 01:02:51,245 My room is by the ice machine. 1455 01:02:51,332 --> 01:02:54,074 - Oh, thank you, dear. - Just get in bed. 1456 01:02:54,161 --> 01:02:56,555 Can you put my nightgown on me? 1457 01:02:56,642 --> 01:02:58,992 - No. - Why not? 1458 01:02:59,079 --> 01:03:00,994 Are you afraid of seeing your mom naked? 1459 01:03:01,081 --> 01:03:02,996 Yeah, that'’s exactly what I'’m afraid of. 1460 01:03:03,083 --> 01:03:04,998 Yeah, well, I got news for you, mister. 1461 01:03:05,085 --> 01:03:06,739 I still have a pretty good body, 1462 01:03:06,826 --> 01:03:08,306 even though I haven'’t had sex in five years. 1463 01:03:08,393 --> 01:03:09,698 - Eww. - Five. 1464 01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:11,831 Oh...sex. 1465 01:03:13,050 --> 01:03:13,964 Can I get you anything? 1466 01:03:14,051 --> 01:03:16,923 Yeah. 1467 01:03:17,010 --> 01:03:22,189 Can you take me back to 1968 so I can start all over again? 1468 01:03:22,276 --> 01:03:23,887 No, not this second. 1469 01:03:23,974 --> 01:03:25,366 Oh, that'’s too bad. 1470 01:03:27,238 --> 01:03:30,154 I'’d like to start all over again. 1471 01:03:30,241 --> 01:03:32,025 - Okay. - Good night. 1472 01:03:51,088 --> 01:03:53,220 What are these? 1473 01:03:53,307 --> 01:03:55,919 Oh, I'’ve been trying some new briefs out. 1474 01:03:56,006 --> 01:03:57,529 Trying to get a little more support. 1475 01:03:57,616 --> 01:04:00,140 These are, like, four sizes too small for you. 1476 01:04:00,227 --> 01:04:02,447 Oh, well, that explains a lot. 1477 01:04:02,534 --> 01:04:05,972 I must have misread the label. I'’ll return '’em tomorrow. 1478 01:04:06,059 --> 01:04:08,235 You'’re trying to sabotage your sperm count, 1479 01:04:08,322 --> 01:04:09,889 aren'’t you? - What? 1480 01:04:09,976 --> 01:04:11,543 That'’s why it'’s taking so long. 1481 01:04:11,630 --> 01:04:13,284 No, it'’s taking so long 1482 01:04:13,371 --> 01:04:14,981 because our schedules don'’t match up. 1483 01:04:15,068 --> 01:04:17,157 You have some serious problems, you know that? 1484 01:04:17,244 --> 01:04:19,159 Okay, you'’re throwing underwear at me. 1485 01:04:19,246 --> 01:04:20,857 I think maybe we need to go to the honesty zone. 1486 01:04:20,944 --> 01:04:23,729 Screw the honesty zone. I hate the honesty zone. 1487 01:04:23,816 --> 01:04:26,427 Okay, don'’t dismiss the honesty zone like that. Not cool. 1488 01:04:26,514 --> 01:04:27,689 - What are you gonna do about it? 1489 01:04:27,776 --> 01:04:28,865 You don'’t want to find out. 1490 01:04:28,952 --> 01:04:30,344 You know, maybe this whole 1491 01:04:30,431 --> 01:04:31,911 "I'’ve got so much on my plate" routine 1492 01:04:31,998 --> 01:04:33,608 has nothing to do with your job or your mom. 1493 01:04:33,695 --> 01:04:35,175 Maybe it has something to do with me. 1494 01:04:35,262 --> 01:04:36,785 It has nothing to do with you, all right? 1495 01:04:36,873 --> 01:04:38,483 That'’s ridiculous. 1496 01:04:38,570 --> 01:04:40,311 Please, I need you to be honest with me right now 1497 01:04:40,398 --> 01:04:41,878 and tell me if it'’s me you'’re unhappy with. 1498 01:04:41,965 --> 01:04:43,488 I'’m not unhappy with you. 1499 01:04:43,575 --> 01:04:45,359 Anything else? 1500 01:04:45,446 --> 01:04:46,970 Have you been trying to keep me from getting pregnant? 1501 01:04:47,057 --> 01:04:49,189 No. Yes, I have. 1502 01:04:49,276 --> 01:04:50,756 - What?! - But only a couple times. 1503 01:04:50,843 --> 01:04:52,540 Oh, my God, how could you do that? 1504 01:04:52,627 --> 01:04:54,542 What are you getting so upset with me? 1505 01:04:54,629 --> 01:04:56,022 I'’m being honest with you. - Now you try and be honest? 1506 01:04:56,109 --> 01:04:57,458 My life'’s coming apart at the seams 1507 01:04:57,545 --> 01:04:58,982 and all you want to do is get on me 1508 01:04:59,069 --> 01:05:00,853 and grind out like a mechanical bull. 1509 01:05:00,940 --> 01:05:02,768 Well, all you have to do is tell me if you wanted to wait. 1510 01:05:02,855 --> 01:05:04,552 Oh, yeah, I'’m sure that would have fit in neatly 1511 01:05:04,639 --> 01:05:06,337 with your species propagation agenda. 1512 01:05:06,424 --> 01:05:08,643 My agenda? We both agreed to this. 1513 01:05:08,730 --> 01:05:09,993 Well, I didn'’t agree to my wife 1514 01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:12,169 becoming a single-minded fertility robot. 1515 01:05:12,256 --> 01:05:13,474 Need more sperm. 1516 01:05:13,561 --> 01:05:15,433 I don'’t need more sperm, okay? 1517 01:05:17,261 --> 01:05:19,654 Look, I need you to stop putting all of this on me. 1518 01:05:19,741 --> 01:05:22,005 It'’s not fair. - I'’m not putting it on you. 1519 01:05:22,092 --> 01:05:24,094 It is clearly the baby'’s fault. 1520 01:05:24,181 --> 01:05:26,096 I need you to stop making excuses. 1521 01:05:26,183 --> 01:05:27,575 Fine, what else? 1522 01:05:27,662 --> 01:05:29,012 - I need you to-- - Done. 1523 01:05:29,099 --> 01:05:30,796 - I didn'’t finish. - Well, I agree. 1524 01:05:30,883 --> 01:05:32,450 You talk, and I agree. That'’s the deal, right? 1525 01:05:32,537 --> 01:05:34,017 You'’re being stupid and immature. 1526 01:05:34,104 --> 01:05:36,019 I agree again. We'’re in total agreement. 1527 01:05:36,106 --> 01:05:37,368 Look how well we'’re communicating. 1528 01:05:37,455 --> 01:05:38,804 Out! Get out. 1529 01:05:38,891 --> 01:05:39,979 You'’re not sleeping in here tonight. 1530 01:05:40,066 --> 01:05:41,111 Well, I got bad news for you. 1531 01:05:41,198 --> 01:05:42,590 I ain'’t leaving this room. 1532 01:05:43,765 --> 01:05:46,203 Ha! Real mature. 1533 01:05:48,379 --> 01:05:50,598 Sweetie, my blanket'’s caught in the door. 1534 01:05:58,128 --> 01:06:00,565 Rough night with the old lady? 1535 01:06:00,652 --> 01:06:02,654 Why are you here? 1536 01:06:02,741 --> 01:06:05,526 Clare said I could stay here for the writing seminar, remember? 1537 01:06:05,613 --> 01:06:07,528 Yeah, that was supposed to be last Tuesday. 1538 01:06:07,615 --> 01:06:10,053 Yeah, it got pushed back, so... 1539 01:06:10,140 --> 01:06:11,793 To when? That was three days ago. 1540 01:06:11,880 --> 01:06:13,708 I'’ve had two jobs since then. 1541 01:06:13,795 --> 01:06:15,406 I mean, what have you been doing? 1542 01:06:15,493 --> 01:06:17,886 You just sit on the couch in your sofa fantasy land 1543 01:06:17,974 --> 01:06:19,888 being my mother'’s little monkey sidekick? 1544 01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:21,890 Monkey sidekick. 1545 01:06:21,978 --> 01:06:24,893 There is no writing seminar, is there? 1546 01:06:27,809 --> 01:06:29,420 What? 1547 01:06:29,507 --> 01:06:32,727 I'’m sorry, can you say that into my good ear? 1548 01:06:32,814 --> 01:06:34,773 I can'’t hear you. 1549 01:06:34,860 --> 01:06:36,688 Uh... 1550 01:06:36,775 --> 01:06:40,039 I might have made the seminar up. 1551 01:06:40,126 --> 01:06:42,302 You-- 1552 01:06:42,389 --> 01:06:44,870 My parents kicked me out of their house. 1553 01:06:44,957 --> 01:06:49,614 So I'’ve got no money, and I'’ve got no place to go. 1554 01:06:49,701 --> 01:06:51,659 That'’s outstanding. 1555 01:06:51,746 --> 01:06:53,879 When exactly were you planning on leaving? 1556 01:06:53,966 --> 01:06:56,577 Well, I don'’t know. I'’m still working on that. 1557 01:06:56,664 --> 01:06:58,014 You'’re working on it? 1558 01:06:58,101 --> 01:06:59,319 You know what you remind me of? 1559 01:06:59,406 --> 01:07:00,973 You remind me of that bad movie 1560 01:07:01,060 --> 01:07:02,801 that'’s on cable at00 in the morning. 1561 01:07:02,888 --> 01:07:04,890 It'’s on because something has to fill the void. 1562 01:07:04,977 --> 01:07:07,414 That'’s what'’s your life is like to me: filler and void. 1563 01:07:07,501 --> 01:07:09,242 This week on Filler and Void, 1564 01:07:09,329 --> 01:07:10,852 Detective Myron Stubbs finds an unproduced screenplay 1565 01:07:10,939 --> 01:07:12,289 in his diaper. 1566 01:07:12,376 --> 01:07:14,378 Oh, I'’m sorry, did I dishonor 1567 01:07:14,465 --> 01:07:16,075 Vietnam Mosquito Soldier? 1568 01:07:16,162 --> 01:07:18,164 You know what I'’d like to see? 1569 01:07:18,251 --> 01:07:19,774 I'’d like to see Lieutenant Tom Dawson 1570 01:07:19,861 --> 01:07:21,211 fragged by his own platoon. 1571 01:07:21,298 --> 01:07:22,647 You think that'’s a good idea, 1572 01:07:22,734 --> 01:07:24,301 or should I ask your little friend? 1573 01:07:24,388 --> 01:07:25,693 Max, what do you think of my great new idea? 1574 01:07:25,780 --> 01:07:27,130 I smell an Oscar. 1575 01:07:27,217 --> 01:07:29,175 Thank you, Max. You know what? 1576 01:07:29,262 --> 01:07:31,003 Why don'’t you do us all a favor 1577 01:07:31,090 --> 01:07:33,397 and write something that actually benefits mankind, okay? 1578 01:07:33,484 --> 01:07:35,007 But do us an even bigger favor 1579 01:07:35,094 --> 01:07:36,530 and don'’t write it in our living room. 1580 01:07:39,446 --> 01:07:41,927 Well... 1581 01:07:42,014 --> 01:07:44,234 I know I'’m not the greatest writer in the world. 1582 01:07:44,321 --> 01:07:46,279 I'’m sure there'’s a lot of people 1583 01:07:46,366 --> 01:07:50,370 who think the stuff I do isn'’t very good. 1584 01:07:50,457 --> 01:07:54,287 But I enjoy doing it. It keeps me going. 1585 01:07:54,374 --> 01:07:56,768 And believe me, underneath this confident exterior 1586 01:07:56,855 --> 01:07:59,640 is a guy with just as many doubts and insecurities as you, 1587 01:07:59,727 --> 01:08:01,816 except you have a beautiful wife 1588 01:08:01,903 --> 01:08:04,993 and a mom who loves you, and... 1589 01:08:05,081 --> 01:08:06,778 I just have me. 1590 01:08:09,476 --> 01:08:10,912 Sorry if the stuff I do 1591 01:08:10,999 --> 01:08:12,566 doesn'’t interest you very much, 1592 01:08:12,653 --> 01:08:16,135 but I can'’t really change what makes me happy. 1593 01:08:20,748 --> 01:08:22,272 Anyway, this blanket'’s extra, 1594 01:08:22,359 --> 01:08:24,796 so I'’ll just go blow up the aero bed 1595 01:08:24,883 --> 01:08:26,711 so you can have the couch. 1596 01:08:35,241 --> 01:08:36,416 Where are you going? 1597 01:08:36,503 --> 01:08:38,026 To search for Yeti. 1598 01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:40,246 Can we please talk like adults? 1599 01:08:40,333 --> 01:08:42,205 You bet. Call me when you find one. 1600 01:08:46,992 --> 01:08:48,994 Your mom stole my car. 1601 01:08:49,081 --> 01:08:51,736 I mean, listen to yourself. 1602 01:08:51,823 --> 01:08:53,433 You'’re acting like I'’m hiding 1603 01:08:53,520 --> 01:08:55,435 all these deep, dark secrets or something. 1604 01:08:55,522 --> 01:08:58,177 You are! You'’re wearing toddler briefs, 1605 01:08:58,264 --> 01:09:01,963 and you'’re sabotaging jobs to avoid having kids. 1606 01:09:02,050 --> 01:09:04,314 That--that'’s not true. - Yes, it is true. 1607 01:09:04,401 --> 01:09:05,793 I haven'’t even had enough time 1608 01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:07,317 to sabotage my job at the carpet store. 1609 01:09:07,404 --> 01:09:10,146 How do you explain that one, huh? 1610 01:09:10,233 --> 01:09:12,626 You got fired from the carpet store? 1611 01:09:12,713 --> 01:09:15,151 - I didn'’t tell you that? - Arggh! 1612 01:09:15,238 --> 01:09:17,631 What? Sweetie...Bear. 1613 01:09:17,718 --> 01:09:19,981 Don'’t "Sweetie Bear" me! 1614 01:09:20,068 --> 01:09:22,201 Wait! Hon--honey, I was in jail. 1615 01:09:22,288 --> 01:09:23,376 I didn'’t have time to tell you. 1616 01:09:23,463 --> 01:09:25,117 Ohh! 1617 01:09:25,204 --> 01:09:27,119 - Where are you going? - Holly'’s! 1618 01:09:27,206 --> 01:09:29,077 Feel free not to call! 1619 01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:32,255 Call you where, Holly'’s or Molly'’s? 1620 01:09:32,342 --> 01:09:33,647 Holly'’s! 1621 01:09:37,303 --> 01:09:38,391 Oh, my God. 1622 01:09:39,958 --> 01:09:42,308 Oh, my-- M-Mom? 1623 01:09:48,271 --> 01:09:49,272 Mom. 1624 01:10:19,911 --> 01:10:21,260 Nice shot, Mom. 1625 01:10:21,347 --> 01:10:24,350 Now you'’re working on a turkey. 1626 01:10:24,437 --> 01:10:27,048 Excuse me. 1627 01:10:27,135 --> 01:10:28,180 I want to know who she is. 1628 01:10:28,267 --> 01:10:29,921 Was it Phyllis? 1629 01:10:30,008 --> 01:10:31,270 Ah, what are you doing? We'’re bowling here. 1630 01:10:31,357 --> 01:10:32,619 Is it Susan? 1631 01:10:32,706 --> 01:10:33,620 That'’s who it is, isn'’t it? 1632 01:10:33,707 --> 01:10:35,013 Okay, let'’s go home. 1633 01:10:35,100 --> 01:10:36,188 No, I am not leaving here 1634 01:10:36,275 --> 01:10:37,363 until you give me an answer. 1635 01:10:37,450 --> 01:10:38,364 I got an answer for ya. 1636 01:10:38,451 --> 01:10:39,931 Crazy, ungrateful bitch. 1637 01:10:40,018 --> 01:10:41,280 You want to hear what the question is? 1638 01:10:41,367 --> 01:10:42,629 You'’re pathetic, Gene. 1639 01:10:42,716 --> 01:10:44,152 It'’s all in your head, Marilyn. 1640 01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:45,545 You'’re an out of control dope fiend. 1641 01:10:45,632 --> 01:10:46,807 Stay out of it, Grandma. 1642 01:10:46,894 --> 01:10:47,808 I tried very hard to give you 1643 01:10:47,895 --> 01:10:49,462 everything you wanted. 1644 01:10:49,549 --> 01:10:50,681 You think that it was money that I wanted. 1645 01:10:50,768 --> 01:10:52,117 You think that it was furniture. 1646 01:10:52,204 --> 01:10:53,510 You think I wanted clothes. 1647 01:10:53,597 --> 01:10:54,641 But that'’s not what I wanted. 1648 01:10:54,728 --> 01:10:56,121 I wanted more. 1649 01:10:56,208 --> 01:10:57,165 You hear that, everyone? 1650 01:10:57,253 --> 01:10:59,037 She wanted more than that. 1651 01:10:59,124 --> 01:11:00,473 And he put up with your moods and your complaining 1652 01:11:00,560 --> 01:11:01,474 and your dogs. 1653 01:11:01,561 --> 01:11:03,346 I wanted more of you! 1654 01:11:03,433 --> 01:11:04,782 Maybe we can find a better time to discuss this, yeah? 1655 01:11:04,869 --> 01:11:06,349 If he can look me straight in the eye 1656 01:11:06,436 --> 01:11:09,134 and tell me the truth, I will leave your house, 1657 01:11:09,221 --> 01:11:11,919 and you'’ll never see me or my dogs ever again. 1658 01:11:12,006 --> 01:11:13,312 Dad? 1659 01:11:13,399 --> 01:11:14,922 What? 1660 01:11:15,009 --> 01:11:17,403 Does Gene have to account for himself yet again? 1661 01:11:17,490 --> 01:11:19,187 I'’m a respected man. 1662 01:11:19,275 --> 01:11:20,493 I served my country. 1663 01:11:20,580 --> 01:11:22,321 I did what was asked of me. 1664 01:11:22,408 --> 01:11:25,803 Did you or did you not have an affair? 1665 01:11:25,890 --> 01:11:27,283 No, I didn'’t have an affair. 1666 01:11:29,285 --> 01:11:30,373 It was a one-night stand. 1667 01:11:34,725 --> 01:11:35,726 Twice. 1668 01:11:37,815 --> 01:11:39,077 I defended you. 1669 01:11:39,164 --> 01:11:40,600 Yeah, well, no one asked you to. 1670 01:11:40,687 --> 01:11:42,385 I screwed up, okay? I'’m sorry. 1671 01:11:42,472 --> 01:11:44,038 But how would you like to spend 1672 01:11:44,125 --> 01:11:45,562 the last few good years of your life 1673 01:11:45,649 --> 01:11:47,128 with someone who'’s always unhappy, 1674 01:11:47,215 --> 01:11:48,869 who does nothing but live in the past, 1675 01:11:48,956 --> 01:11:50,915 who can only complain about all the rotten things 1676 01:11:51,002 --> 01:11:53,309 that happened to her, even though, really, 1677 01:11:53,396 --> 01:11:55,136 nothing bad ever happened to you 1678 01:11:55,223 --> 01:11:57,138 except you expected so much? 1679 01:11:57,225 --> 01:11:58,749 You think I wanted a wife like June Allyson 1680 01:11:58,836 --> 01:12:00,141 from Strategic Air Command? 1681 01:12:00,228 --> 01:12:01,404 Well, guess what! 1682 01:12:01,491 --> 01:12:02,492 You won'’t have to put up with 1683 01:12:02,579 --> 01:12:03,928 June Allyson anymore. 1684 01:12:04,015 --> 01:12:06,234 I'’ll live in his house 1685 01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:08,019 for the rest of my goddamn life 1686 01:12:08,106 --> 01:12:09,412 if I have to, 1687 01:12:09,499 --> 01:12:12,328 but I am through with this marriage! 1688 01:12:36,352 --> 01:12:38,092 I need to talk to you, Marilyn. 1689 01:12:38,179 --> 01:12:39,442 She'’s not feeling very chatty today, Dad. 1690 01:12:39,529 --> 01:12:40,704 Yeah, you know, Gene, 1691 01:12:40,791 --> 01:12:42,096 now'’s probably not a good time. 1692 01:12:43,533 --> 01:12:45,404 Come on, that'’s my jacket. 1693 01:12:48,059 --> 01:12:49,800 Though we don'’t always understand 1694 01:12:49,887 --> 01:12:52,846 why we'’re taken so soon from this life, dear Lord, 1695 01:12:52,933 --> 01:12:56,067 much less why we'’ve been placed here to begin with, 1696 01:12:56,154 --> 01:12:58,156 we ask that you bless this service 1697 01:12:58,243 --> 01:13:00,550 and this family. 1698 01:13:00,637 --> 01:13:03,683 - And everybody said, "Amen." - Amen. 1699 01:13:03,770 --> 01:13:04,945 I'’ve been asked by the deceased'’s son 1700 01:13:05,032 --> 01:13:05,990 to open up the floor 1701 01:13:06,077 --> 01:13:07,426 so that anyone may share 1702 01:13:07,513 --> 01:13:09,080 their thoughts about Helen. 1703 01:13:14,477 --> 01:13:15,521 Anyone at all. 1704 01:13:19,786 --> 01:13:20,787 Anyone? 1705 01:13:27,446 --> 01:13:28,578 Uh, hello, everyone. 1706 01:13:28,665 --> 01:13:29,753 Um... 1707 01:13:31,276 --> 01:13:33,583 What can I say about my Grandma Helen? 1708 01:13:33,670 --> 01:13:37,500 Well, for one, I remember how she was my grandma. 1709 01:13:39,066 --> 01:13:42,896 Also, she was a-a good pers-- dresser. 1710 01:13:44,028 --> 01:13:45,377 She was a good dresser, 1711 01:13:45,464 --> 01:13:49,207 and she owned some very nice jumpsuits, 1712 01:13:49,294 --> 01:13:52,689 and I'’ll miss her very much. 1713 01:13:52,776 --> 01:13:53,951 Thank you. 1714 01:13:57,781 --> 01:13:59,304 Thank you, son. 1715 01:13:59,391 --> 01:14:00,653 Anyone else? 1716 01:14:03,656 --> 01:14:05,745 Well, if there'’s no one else who would like to say anything, 1717 01:14:05,832 --> 01:14:07,225 then I'’ll just continue with the service-- 1718 01:14:07,312 --> 01:14:09,662 I'’d like to say something, please. 1719 01:14:09,749 --> 01:14:11,229 Oh, terrific. 1720 01:14:20,412 --> 01:14:22,240 For those of you who don'’t know me, 1721 01:14:22,327 --> 01:14:25,373 I am Gene'’s wife, Marilyn. 1722 01:14:25,461 --> 01:14:27,071 Well, I am right now, but not for very long, 1723 01:14:27,158 --> 01:14:29,595 but that isn'’t what I wanted to talk about. 1724 01:14:29,682 --> 01:14:32,468 In all the years that I knew Helen Cooper, 1725 01:14:32,555 --> 01:14:33,947 she wasn'’t very nice to me. 1726 01:14:34,034 --> 01:14:35,949 She didn'’t think I was very smart, 1727 01:14:36,036 --> 01:14:37,777 and she said I talked too much. 1728 01:14:37,864 --> 01:14:40,650 Now, I know that that is a terrible thing to say 1729 01:14:40,737 --> 01:14:43,348 at someone'’s funeral, but 1730 01:14:43,435 --> 01:14:45,437 I spent a lot of time and effort 1731 01:14:45,524 --> 01:14:48,266 trying to make her like me, and for what? 1732 01:14:48,353 --> 01:14:51,661 So she could make me feel bad and stick her nose up at me? 1733 01:14:51,748 --> 01:14:55,795 Well, I don'’t wanna be just tolerated anymore, 1734 01:14:55,882 --> 01:15:00,147 so I'’ve decided that I'’d rather spend the rest of my life alone 1735 01:15:00,234 --> 01:15:02,759 instead of being surrounded by strangers 1736 01:15:02,846 --> 01:15:04,587 who pretended they were my family. 1737 01:15:06,197 --> 01:15:08,199 I guess that'’s a little off-topic, 1738 01:15:08,286 --> 01:15:10,157 but anyway, I would like to say 1739 01:15:10,244 --> 01:15:12,812 that Helen had a lovely singing voice, 1740 01:15:12,899 --> 01:15:14,422 and she was a very good cook. 1741 01:15:14,510 --> 01:15:16,120 Her holiday fudge was second to none. 1742 01:15:18,165 --> 01:15:19,863 Thank you. 1743 01:15:22,866 --> 01:15:25,999 Well, that was, uh... from the heart. 1744 01:15:26,086 --> 01:15:28,480 Uh, there'’s anyone else who'’d like to speak at this time... 1745 01:15:29,742 --> 01:15:30,830 Yeah, I'’d like to add something. 1746 01:15:30,917 --> 01:15:32,049 Okay. 1747 01:15:37,794 --> 01:15:40,579 I forgot to add that Helen was born in northern Florida 1748 01:15:40,666 --> 01:15:42,842 to migrant walnut farmers. 1749 01:15:42,929 --> 01:15:44,975 Also, if a certain somebody 1750 01:15:45,062 --> 01:15:47,368 isn'’t happy with her living situation 1751 01:15:47,455 --> 01:15:49,283 or how she'’s apparently being mistreated 1752 01:15:49,370 --> 01:15:51,198 and ignored by her family, 1753 01:15:51,285 --> 01:15:54,811 said person can move out any time she sees fit. 1754 01:15:54,898 --> 01:15:56,247 Helen'’s middle name was Esther. 1755 01:15:56,334 --> 01:15:57,378 Thank you. 1756 01:15:59,163 --> 01:16:00,381 Well, if that-- 1757 01:16:00,468 --> 01:16:01,861 Yeah, well now, all right. 1758 01:16:01,948 --> 01:16:03,080 - That'’s enough. - Sit down, Gene. 1759 01:16:05,996 --> 01:16:07,650 I would like to correct the previous speaker, 1760 01:16:07,737 --> 01:16:10,087 who said that Helen was born to walnut farmers. 1761 01:16:10,174 --> 01:16:12,829 The truth is, Helen was born to cashew farmers. 1762 01:16:12,916 --> 01:16:14,221 - The previous speaker 1763 01:16:14,308 --> 01:16:16,049 can get a lot of his facts wrong. 1764 01:16:16,136 --> 01:16:18,051 He can also be very self-absorbed and immature. 1765 01:16:18,138 --> 01:16:19,575 Just ask his wife. 1766 01:16:19,662 --> 01:16:21,054 She'’ll tell you the same thing. 1767 01:16:21,141 --> 01:16:23,622 Helen'’s favorite color was yellow. 1768 01:16:24,754 --> 01:16:25,798 Thank you. 1769 01:16:30,411 --> 01:16:32,239 Actually it was walnut farmers. 1770 01:16:32,326 --> 01:16:34,328 They can'’t even grow cashews in northern Florida 1771 01:16:34,415 --> 01:16:36,374 because of the freezing winter temperatures. 1772 01:16:36,461 --> 01:16:38,332 A second-grader could tell you that. 1773 01:16:38,419 --> 01:16:40,030 A second-grader could also tell you 1774 01:16:40,117 --> 01:16:41,684 that you shouldn'’t treat your 29-year-old son... 1775 01:16:41,771 --> 01:16:42,859 32. 1776 01:16:42,946 --> 01:16:44,295 ...like a child 1777 01:16:44,382 --> 01:16:46,210 and criticize him for having greasy hair 1778 01:16:46,297 --> 01:16:49,430 when he uses a moisturizing shampoo on a regular basis. 1779 01:16:49,517 --> 01:16:51,563 And then dump all your selfish problems on him 1780 01:16:51,650 --> 01:16:53,304 and expect him to be sympathetic, 1781 01:16:53,391 --> 01:16:54,827 especially if he'’s been held hostage 1782 01:16:54,914 --> 01:16:56,786 with your never-ending jiggity, jiggity, 1783 01:16:56,873 --> 01:16:59,789 "I'’m so insanely happy, but desperately lonely" madhouse 1784 01:16:59,876 --> 01:17:02,705 for so long that he'’s wearing underwear four sizes too small 1785 01:17:02,792 --> 01:17:04,402 and sticking his balls against a microwave. 1786 01:17:11,844 --> 01:17:14,542 Helen stood 5'’6" and loved playing checkers. 1787 01:17:20,723 --> 01:17:22,376 I'’m sure we can all agree 1788 01:17:22,463 --> 01:17:24,248 that Helen was an outstanding checkers player. 1789 01:17:24,335 --> 01:17:25,728 Hey, you want to be mad at me? 1790 01:17:25,815 --> 01:17:28,034 I'’m mad at me too. 1791 01:17:28,121 --> 01:17:29,775 I spent my life 1792 01:17:29,862 --> 01:17:31,690 trying to do what was right for everyone else, 1793 01:17:31,777 --> 01:17:34,519 trying to be who I was expected to be, 1794 01:17:34,606 --> 01:17:37,740 except the real me wasn'’t the person I ended up becoming, 1795 01:17:37,827 --> 01:17:39,655 and now I'’m 60? 1796 01:17:43,006 --> 01:17:45,530 And the only thing that has saved me in my whole life 1797 01:17:45,617 --> 01:17:48,707 is that when I look at you, 1798 01:17:48,794 --> 01:17:50,535 I'’m worth something. 1799 01:17:51,928 --> 01:17:54,147 I talk to you, and I feel good. 1800 01:17:54,234 --> 01:17:56,976 And I look at you, and... 1801 01:17:57,063 --> 01:17:58,630 my life matters. 1802 01:18:00,327 --> 01:18:02,112 So if I needed you more than you needed me 1803 01:18:02,199 --> 01:18:04,897 and that was too much to bear, 1804 01:18:04,984 --> 01:18:07,987 then I am terribly sorry, but, sweetie... 1805 01:18:11,643 --> 01:18:14,124 you'’re my son, 1806 01:18:14,211 --> 01:18:17,562 and until you have one of your own, 1807 01:18:17,649 --> 01:18:22,219 you cannot imagine the extraordinary person 1808 01:18:22,306 --> 01:18:26,832 who is going to come out of your own imperfections. 1809 01:18:44,676 --> 01:18:46,852 The, uh, deceased'’s son has asked 1810 01:18:46,939 --> 01:18:50,029 that we play Helen'’s favorite song. 1811 01:19:12,312 --> 01:19:14,532 Mom, I gotta go. 1812 01:19:52,135 --> 01:19:53,223 Hi. 1813 01:19:53,310 --> 01:19:54,311 I need to see Clare. 1814 01:19:54,398 --> 01:19:56,269 It'’s really important. 1815 01:19:56,356 --> 01:19:59,229 She said she would call you when she was ready to talk. 1816 01:19:59,316 --> 01:20:00,926 Besides, I'’m hosting a baby shower. 1817 01:20:01,013 --> 01:20:03,450 Look, Holly, I know we'’ve never seen eye to eye, 1818 01:20:03,537 --> 01:20:05,583 but I am asking you as a semi-human being 1819 01:20:05,670 --> 01:20:07,585 to please let me in this house. 1820 01:20:07,672 --> 01:20:08,586 Thank you. 1821 01:20:24,210 --> 01:20:25,690 Oh. Oops. 1822 01:20:30,129 --> 01:20:31,391 Hi. 1823 01:20:31,478 --> 01:20:32,740 Just looking for my wife. 1824 01:20:32,828 --> 01:20:34,220 There she is. 1825 01:20:34,307 --> 01:20:35,352 Can we talk for a minute, sweetie? 1826 01:20:38,094 --> 01:20:39,443 Clare. 1827 01:20:39,530 --> 01:20:41,488 Clare, please, I need to talk to you. 1828 01:20:41,575 --> 01:20:43,621 Need, need-- Tell me more about what you need. 1829 01:20:43,708 --> 01:20:45,014 Okay, I deserved that, 1830 01:20:45,101 --> 01:20:46,363 but will you please hear me out? 1831 01:20:46,450 --> 01:20:47,886 - Please? Ow! - Ow! 1832 01:20:47,973 --> 01:20:49,409 - I'’m sorry. - What are you doing? 1833 01:20:49,496 --> 01:20:50,933 You stopped really fast, and then you turned. 1834 01:20:51,020 --> 01:20:52,195 All right, whatever you'’re gonna say, 1835 01:20:52,282 --> 01:20:54,023 just spit it out. 1836 01:20:54,110 --> 01:20:55,851 Okay, I know we haven'’t been getting along that great, 1837 01:20:55,938 --> 01:20:57,896 and I-I don'’t want to get into whose fault it is, 1838 01:20:57,983 --> 01:20:59,115 especially '’cause Myron'’s not here to defend himself. 1839 01:20:59,202 --> 01:21:00,420 - Oh, Noah. - No, no, no. 1840 01:21:00,507 --> 01:21:01,944 Okay, okay, okay. 1841 01:21:02,031 --> 01:21:03,641 All right, some of it-- some of it-- 1842 01:21:03,728 --> 01:21:06,252 most of it, moving towards all of it, is my fault. 1843 01:21:06,339 --> 01:21:07,253 Honesty zone? 1844 01:21:07,340 --> 01:21:09,603 Fine. 1845 01:21:09,690 --> 01:21:11,518 Okay. 1846 01:21:14,130 --> 01:21:15,305 Well? 1847 01:21:15,392 --> 01:21:16,567 Oh, you want me to start. 1848 01:21:16,654 --> 01:21:18,395 - Noah. - No, wait. 1849 01:21:18,482 --> 01:21:20,092 How long are you gonna put me through this? 1850 01:21:20,179 --> 01:21:21,659 Believe me, I just-- 1851 01:21:21,746 --> 01:21:22,965 I wish I could take the whole week back, 1852 01:21:23,052 --> 01:21:24,836 but I-I can'’t. 1853 01:21:24,923 --> 01:21:27,621 And I know. I know. You'’re married to a guy 1854 01:21:27,708 --> 01:21:28,971 who can'’t hold a real conversation 1855 01:21:29,058 --> 01:21:30,407 with his mom and dad, 1856 01:21:30,494 --> 01:21:32,061 a guy who'’s sneaking around, 1857 01:21:32,148 --> 01:21:33,497 snapping one off before sex? 1858 01:21:33,584 --> 01:21:34,802 I get it. 1859 01:21:34,890 --> 01:21:36,456 Instead of just telling you 1860 01:21:36,543 --> 01:21:38,632 that he feels completely inadequate to be a father. 1861 01:21:38,719 --> 01:21:40,678 But you'’re not inadequate. 1862 01:21:40,765 --> 01:21:42,636 - That'’s what'’s so stupid. 1863 01:21:42,723 --> 01:21:43,942 Will you shut up! 1864 01:21:45,726 --> 01:21:47,511 I mean, who has geese in their yard? 1865 01:21:47,598 --> 01:21:49,861 Honey, you say that now, but what about in 30 years? 1866 01:21:49,948 --> 01:21:51,297 I mean, I just see all the things 1867 01:21:51,384 --> 01:21:52,516 that my parents are going through. 1868 01:21:52,603 --> 01:21:54,300 We'’re not your parents. 1869 01:21:54,387 --> 01:21:57,086 Yeah, but at some point, they were as in love as we are, 1870 01:21:57,173 --> 01:21:59,001 and something went wrong, 1871 01:21:59,088 --> 01:22:01,133 and I-I just didn'’t want that to happen to us, 1872 01:22:01,220 --> 01:22:03,570 and I made a huge mistake, 1873 01:22:03,657 --> 01:22:04,658 and I hurt you, 1874 01:22:04,745 --> 01:22:05,921 and I'’m sorry, 1875 01:22:07,357 --> 01:22:09,011 and I'’m lame, 1876 01:22:09,098 --> 01:22:11,317 and I suck too. 1877 01:22:11,404 --> 01:22:13,276 You hurt me so much. 1878 01:22:14,538 --> 01:22:16,975 Now you just show up here and... 1879 01:22:17,062 --> 01:22:18,759 say you'’re sorry, 1880 01:22:18,846 --> 01:22:20,587 and you want me to just say everything'’s okay, 1881 01:22:20,674 --> 01:22:21,762 and it doesn'’t feel okay. 1882 01:22:21,849 --> 01:22:23,242 I know. 1883 01:22:23,329 --> 01:22:24,548 I wouldn'’t believe me either, 1884 01:22:24,635 --> 01:22:26,811 but today my mom actually said 1885 01:22:26,898 --> 01:22:29,770 that I'’m the only thing in her life she doesn'’t regret, 1886 01:22:29,857 --> 01:22:32,686 which floored me, '’cause I didn'’t think she was 1887 01:22:32,773 --> 01:22:34,210 all that thrilled with how I turned out. 1888 01:22:34,297 --> 01:22:37,517 But apparently, I'’m not that bad. 1889 01:22:37,604 --> 01:22:41,217 So if my parents can produce this rousing success story, 1890 01:22:41,304 --> 01:22:44,524 then I have to think you and I can make one of our own. 1891 01:22:46,396 --> 01:22:49,138 And I don'’t wanna miss out on that. 1892 01:22:49,225 --> 01:22:51,270 I mean, what kind of idiot would--would miss out on that? 1893 01:22:55,100 --> 01:22:56,145 Not this idiot. 1894 01:23:09,854 --> 01:23:11,290 No more toddler briefs. 1895 01:23:11,377 --> 01:23:12,988 I'’m wearing big boy undies now. 1896 01:23:13,075 --> 01:23:15,729 That chaise lounge, you know it'’s right. 1897 01:23:22,562 --> 01:23:25,304 Shut up! 1898 01:23:34,052 --> 01:23:35,314 Ooh, is something burning? 1899 01:23:35,401 --> 01:23:37,099 - Oh, hey. - Woo! 1900 01:23:37,186 --> 01:23:39,623 It'’s Noah and Clare Cooper. 1901 01:23:39,710 --> 01:23:42,147 Like a Cheech and Chong movie in here, isn'’t it? 1902 01:23:42,234 --> 01:23:44,410 Looks like somebody kissed and made up. 1903 01:23:44,497 --> 01:23:46,021 Yeah, it looks like 1904 01:23:46,108 --> 01:23:47,718 they did a little bit more than that. 1905 01:23:47,805 --> 01:23:49,894 - Join us right this instant. - Okay. 1906 01:23:49,981 --> 01:23:50,851 Yeah, sit down. 1907 01:23:50,938 --> 01:23:52,070 Get over here. 1908 01:23:52,157 --> 01:23:54,333 We were just smoking some green, 1909 01:23:54,420 --> 01:23:55,900 like, that medicine, you know, 1910 01:23:55,987 --> 01:23:57,684 that green medicine. 1911 01:23:57,771 --> 01:24:00,600 Yeah, since when do you smoke green medicine? 1912 01:24:00,687 --> 01:24:03,255 Hey, you don'’t think that'’s all we do at Pain Pals, do you? 1913 01:24:03,342 --> 01:24:06,258 You think that all we do is talk about our problems? 1914 01:24:06,345 --> 01:24:08,913 We'’re into action, man. 1915 01:24:09,000 --> 01:24:10,654 '’Cause the herb is a blessing. 1916 01:24:10,741 --> 01:24:11,785 Such a blessing. 1917 01:24:11,872 --> 01:24:13,135 So... 1918 01:24:13,222 --> 01:24:15,050 The bud'’s the bomb. 1919 01:24:15,137 --> 01:24:17,487 So, Mom, Clare and I were talking on the way home, 1920 01:24:17,574 --> 01:24:19,532 and we want you to know that you'’re both welcome 1921 01:24:19,619 --> 01:24:21,056 to stay with us as long as you need to. 1922 01:24:21,143 --> 01:24:22,231 - Oh. - That'’s nice. 1923 01:24:22,318 --> 01:24:23,449 Well, you know what? 1924 01:24:23,536 --> 01:24:24,450 We don'’t need it, though. 1925 01:24:24,537 --> 01:24:25,973 No, no. 1926 01:24:26,061 --> 01:24:27,758 Nope. We'’re moving in together. 1927 01:24:27,845 --> 01:24:28,933 You'’re what? 1928 01:24:29,020 --> 01:24:30,674 Yes, we both need a place, 1929 01:24:30,761 --> 01:24:32,458 and we really enjoy each other'’s company, 1930 01:24:32,545 --> 01:24:33,459 so we thought, 1931 01:24:33,546 --> 01:24:35,287 "Hey, why the heck not?" 1932 01:24:35,374 --> 01:24:37,376 Yeah, you'’ve known each other for four days. 1933 01:24:37,463 --> 01:24:39,335 I think it'’s a good idea. 1934 01:24:39,422 --> 01:24:42,077 And I called my parents, and they'’re really excited, 1935 01:24:42,164 --> 01:24:43,687 and they'’re giving me seed money 1936 01:24:43,774 --> 01:24:44,688 and my own credit card. 1937 01:24:44,775 --> 01:24:45,863 Yes. 1938 01:24:45,950 --> 01:24:47,473 And I'’ve never had one. 1939 01:24:47,560 --> 01:24:49,301 - I'’m surprised. - Where are you gonna stay? 1940 01:24:49,388 --> 01:24:51,825 We'’re sacking out down at the Downtowner for a couple days 1941 01:24:51,912 --> 01:24:55,177 And we'’re also collaborating on a screenplay 1942 01:24:55,264 --> 01:24:57,701 - Oh! - about diabetic vampires. 1943 01:24:57,788 --> 01:24:58,702 Yeah, listen to this. 1944 01:24:58,789 --> 01:25:00,182 Do you like the title? 1945 01:25:00,269 --> 01:25:01,487 Blood Sugar. 1946 01:25:01,574 --> 01:25:04,099 Oh, wow. Oh, I get it. 1947 01:25:04,186 --> 01:25:05,230 Right? 1948 01:25:05,317 --> 01:25:07,102 I can'’t believe he'’s 32. 1949 01:25:07,189 --> 01:25:08,277 Oh, I know. 1950 01:25:08,364 --> 01:25:10,453 - What? 1951 01:25:10,540 --> 01:25:12,455 I shoulda told him! 1952 01:25:12,542 --> 01:25:14,152 I should have told him. 1953 01:25:14,239 --> 01:25:15,197 I'’m an old person. 1954 01:25:15,284 --> 01:25:16,415 Do you like old people? 1955 01:25:21,333 --> 01:25:22,900 - All right, thanks. - You'’re welcome. 1956 01:25:22,987 --> 01:25:24,728 Thanks for sharing your home with me. 1957 01:25:24,815 --> 01:25:26,817 Anytime. Oh. 1958 01:25:26,904 --> 01:25:28,775 You'’re a special person, 1959 01:25:28,862 --> 01:25:30,908 and I don'’t mean the kind that wears a helmet. 1960 01:25:30,995 --> 01:25:32,257 Oh, that'’s good. 1961 01:25:32,344 --> 01:25:33,780 You should put that in PTSD. 1962 01:25:33,867 --> 01:25:35,260 Well, actually... 1963 01:25:35,347 --> 01:25:36,479 Thanks for everything, sweetie. 1964 01:25:36,566 --> 01:25:38,698 Always an adventure. 1965 01:25:38,785 --> 01:25:41,179 Now, let me know if you guys make me a grandkid, all right? 1966 01:25:41,266 --> 01:25:42,746 I'’ll stay on top of it. 1967 01:25:42,833 --> 01:25:43,747 And if you do, don'’t drink too much 1968 01:25:43,834 --> 01:25:45,401 in the first trimester. 1969 01:25:45,488 --> 01:25:47,446 That'’s where I went wrong with Noah, I think. 1970 01:25:47,533 --> 01:25:48,708 - But anyway--oh. - Bye, Clare. 1971 01:25:48,795 --> 01:25:49,709 Bye, Myron. 1972 01:25:49,796 --> 01:25:52,364 Hey. 1973 01:25:52,451 --> 01:25:54,279 I don'’t know what to say. 1974 01:25:54,366 --> 01:25:56,803 Just hug me as hard as you can, and let'’s call it a week. 1975 01:25:56,890 --> 01:25:57,978 I can do that. 1976 01:25:58,065 --> 01:26:00,198 - Okay. - I love you. 1977 01:26:00,285 --> 01:26:02,679 I love you too. 1978 01:26:02,766 --> 01:26:03,897 One of these days, we'’ll work out 1979 01:26:03,984 --> 01:26:05,290 all of our stuff. 1980 01:26:06,683 --> 01:26:08,163 Probably not. 1981 01:26:09,903 --> 01:26:11,078 - Okay. - All right. 1982 01:26:11,166 --> 01:26:12,558 All right, Hartanto. 1983 01:26:12,645 --> 01:26:14,212 That old road'’s a-callin'’. 1984 01:27:07,134 --> 01:27:08,135 Marilyn... 1985 01:27:08,223 --> 01:27:09,441 and Myron... 1986 01:27:09,528 --> 01:27:10,921 are out right now. 1987 01:27:11,008 --> 01:27:12,923 So please leave a message. 1988 01:27:14,446 --> 01:27:16,318 Hi, it'’s your son. 1989 01:27:16,405 --> 01:27:18,320 Uh, I know you'’re probably at work right now. 1990 01:27:18,407 --> 01:27:21,758 Um. I was just calling to say hi, but call me back. 1991 01:27:21,845 --> 01:27:23,499 Oh, wait, I think you have class tonight. 1992 01:27:23,586 --> 01:27:25,327 But anyways, I just was calling to say 1993 01:27:25,414 --> 01:27:27,503 that I hired a hand and wrist specialist, 1994 01:27:27,590 --> 01:27:29,548 so the next time you come to the office-- 1995 01:27:29,635 --> 01:27:31,463 Hang on a second, Dad'’s in a standoff with Ian. 1996 01:27:31,550 --> 01:27:32,943 He keeps winging his mac-n-cheese at me. 1997 01:27:33,030 --> 01:27:34,945 Hey, eat your lunch, monkey. 1998 01:27:35,032 --> 01:27:36,816 - Don'’t throw it at Grandpa. 1999 01:27:36,903 --> 01:27:38,253 Honey, why'’s the phone off the hook? 2000 01:27:38,340 --> 01:27:39,732 Can you come down here, please? 2001 01:27:39,819 --> 01:27:41,038 I'’ve got it under control. 2002 01:27:41,125 --> 01:27:42,909 What'’s going on? 2003 01:27:42,996 --> 01:27:44,476 Okay, you don'’t have it under control. 2004 01:27:44,563 --> 01:27:45,434 Honey, who'’s on the phone? 2005 01:27:45,521 --> 01:27:46,435 Sweetie. 2006 01:27:46,522 --> 01:27:47,784 Hello? 2007 01:27:47,871 --> 01:27:49,046 Clare. Clare bear! 2008 01:27:49,133 --> 01:27:50,047 All right! 2009 01:27:50,134 --> 01:27:51,962 Mommy to the rescue.